ego; the good, the bad, the ugly

its usually ugly..

dont think there’s much to say about good ego except that people with no self esteem should get some

most the time ego gets in the way of, well, everything
the indignation people feel because they ‘arent being treated the way they should’ or when they feel like they are the centre of the universe and everything revolves around them
grow up

granted everyone has ego
its just how little or how much of it and how you handle it is what matters

although the worst of those are them who cant even admit that they have a bloody ego problem
again. grow up.

the crazies

“here’s to the crazy ones. the misfits. the rebels. the trouble-makers. the round pegs in the square holes. the ones who see things differently. they’re not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status quo. you can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. but the only thing you cant do is ignore them. because they change things. they push the human race forward. and while some may see them as the crazy ones, i see genius. because the people who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

taken from pipinero.tumblr.com

was ready to give up

a few days ago as i was walking along the streets of Bangkok, i felt like i was ready to give up
i felt like i was ready to just go back, admit defeat, and attempt to be like everyone else
but then, out of nowhere, it occurred to me that all the great people in this world felt like giving up at one or more times in their journey to achieve their goal
but because they did not give up, they are where they are now

of course i felt an immediate sense of relief and tried holding on to the seemingly fleeting moment of clarity

yesterday on my visa run out of thailand, there was a well aged man sitting opposite me in the train and i felt bad for taking up his leg space because if i was not there, he’d be able to sit with his leg up on my seat
so after a few stops at about 5+pm, he bought dinner along the way, so did i
i finished my dinner first before him but thought to just wait for him to finish so i can throw his food container along with mine so he wont have to get up
so after he finished, i just tapped him on his shoulder and indicated to him that i’ll throw his boxes for him
he was in shock
he looked at me weird as though i stole his brain or something

by about 6:30pm, i was dozing off hugging my legs on the seat and he tried to catch my attention, and then proceeded to tell the train supervisor to turn my seat into a bed so i could sleep, and then he moved off somewhere else
see, these bunk beds dont get made till almost 8pm or past unless you’ve got a baby or child onboard
so this man gave up his seat so i could get my bed first because he saw that i was falling asleep
touching story number 1

after arriving at Butterworth, i made my way to the ticketing counter to buy my return ticket
and realized i was short of RM1
i was frustrated and flustered because the nearest ATM was across the street somewhere
but a man beside me asked me how much i was short and proceeded to giving me RM1!
as i was getting my ticket, a chinese couple came up beside me and started asking me in mandarin to help them get train tickets to KL
they told me that they have not been to school before so they did not know how to speak malay or read for that matter
they looked tired, lost, worn out and so kesian…!
so i tried to help them buy their tickets but the guys behind me were getting really impatient so the lady behind the counter told me that they had to go to the back of the super long line and wait their turn
so i told the lady what they needed, and she acknowledged that she knew, but just to be sure, i took out my notebook, tore a page out and wrote down in BM “dua orang, malam ini, train pergi ke KL Sentral” (translation: 2 persons, tonight, train to KL Central) and passed it to them
they thanked me over and over and over with so much gratefulness in their voices it was heartbreaking
if i had the money i’d even buy them their ticket, seriously.. but i didnt have enough
but i did realize how important it is to have basic education

anyways, after that i got to chatting with a chinese guy who works in thailand and is on a visa run as well
he asked me what i was up to and i explained roughly
then he surprised me by saying
“dont give up. we each have our own lives to live, our own paths to walk. so since you’ve already chosen this path, just stick to it, and one day you’ll succeed.”
i was blown away
i didnt think that i sounded or looked like i’m about to give up
neither did i indicate to him anything remotely close to that
but here is an absolutely random person giving me the advice i needed to hear straightforwardly and unabashedly.
not only that, he later paid the cab driver my cab fare and told me not to worry about it!
i’m so grateful. so grateful!
(lets not think negatively, can?)
touching story number 2 

things to be grateful for?
kindness and generosity 

so first a voice in my head, the next a totally random guy?
i think its a sign

chinese new year abroad

i never thought i’d say this, but i actually miss chinese new year..
not that i ever liked the heat during cny, always the hottest time of the year red things everywhere and all..

this is actually my first time being abroad during cny
and not only am i not in an asian country, i’m all the way in Africa
entirely different continent!

cny here is….
what cny?! hahaha
apparently there WAS a china town but it disappeared..
so much for trying to experience cny in a different context..

darn no chilled oranges, no dry meat, no angpow, no catching up with friends, no irritating daddy, ma and ning and having good seafood..

maybe after cny i’ll go hunt for some good chinese food
doubt there’s any thou

oh well, enjoy the weather peeps and eat more for me!

sigh~

you are not subscribed to CNN

i cannot believe it!

obama’s historical inauguration is tonight and MY ASTRO JUST DECIDED TO SCREW UP!
we’re suddenly not subscribed to ANY NEWS CHANNELS!

i cannot believe it i cannot believe it i cannot believe it….

ARGH~!

mini me

DISCLAIMER: all of what i am about to say are just JOKES and are NOT TRUE! if u take it literally, u’re a dumbass

okay.. not exactly me..
but kenny sia’s

okay maybe not this picture
but he’s so adorable!

i guess thats what happens when u get naughty with a cambodian girl
kekeke
(see disclaimer)

cute right?!
little karatae kenny

his name is Jacob…
pronounced as Ya-Kob thou
apparently its the Khmer way of pronouncing Jacob..
sounds a little like BM right?

anyways, he can speak pretty decent english for his age..
he’s only 3 btw..
super adorable kid right?
always cheerful..

when u ask him to kiss anyone else,
he’ll take his t-shirt collar,
wipe his mouth,
and then slowly puts his face close to your cheek with his eyes closed,
and then kiss u..
that gets everyone all the time!

how can u not love such an adorable kid?!

also, when there’s music, he’ll have his left hand in the air,
and his right hand strumming his tummy!
SUPER CUTE!

i think he agrees with me

have u ever felt…..

… this ton of dread that something really bad is going to happen,
either to you or to anyone else,
and it weights you down immediately?

have u ever felt your heart sink with a certainty that a negative force is present and you have no control over it?

have u ever felt that u are about to die?

it happened to me this afternoon.

all thoughts of the Cambodian Project was running through my mind
and then out of a sudden,
a sense of dreaded certainty, with an unpresidented force, hit me
and, as stupid as it may sound, a sudden flash of vision stunned me to stillness.
it was me, sitting in my car, watching a 16 wheeled truck drive straight at me and there was nothing i could do but wait for my ascertained death.
and at that moment, i felt as though i knew for sure that this is my death.
(you may say i’ve watched too much tv or that i’ve got a wicked imagination, i dont care)
and i was so convinced that this is going to happen tomorrow, 5th July 2008.
there are no words to fully describe how i felt at that moment.
but i know my heart sank with a thud, somewhat like an anchor thrown overboard,
and tears rushing and forcing itself to be squeezed out of it’s ducts.
and even now when i think about it, the sinking feeling and the tears are still there.
i can not comprehand what happened.
but at that moment, my world stood still.
for the first time in my life, my world came to a complete stop, albeit not for long.
the things i never did, the things i never said, the things i wished i said all came into view
they were like pictures frozen in time, levitating all around me 

all i remember doing after that is, picking up my phone and texting a couple of people
naturally my text sounded as though i was gonna rob myself of my own life (which i’ll NEVER do cos it is so damn stupid~)
nevertheless, there is one person whom i’ve yet said anything to, and i know i will regret that decision.

i know all these sounds dramatic in every way possible
and no, i’m not going to debate this issue
however, just to be safe then sorry, i’m gonna try to stay at home the whole day tomorrow

you can call me a drama queen,
i dont give two flying fucks.

better safe than sorry.

the tugging of heart strings

i think it started with the movie Once
linda and i went to catch it one afternoon and at first i was sceptical (as i always am)
all along i was wondering why they named the movie Once
and let me tell u what a surprise i got!
the movie was not one of the cheesy love stories of some low budget film..
it had a great story line and amazing songs to boot
(go search for the song called The Hills and Falling Slowly)
plus it reinforced the fact that love comes in all forms
the two of them created such an attractive bond through music!
and i like the ending.
they did not end up together like all other romantic movie characters do
he bought her a piano, he went back to his ex, she went back to her husband
but their love as friends and their shared love for music was more then enough.
and guess what their movie tag line is?
“How Often Do You Meet The Right Person? … Once”

few days later, i got around to catching up with zebby
we were sharing ‘penang’ stories and realized that we have a lot in common
(much to the disdain of mark.. hahaha.. cos we practically ignored him the rest of the night)
but as i talked to her, i realized that i miss someone. a lot.
and she’s going through a phase that i know all too well
the ‘i’ve-given-up-on-men-and-am-sceptical-of-the-one-in-front-of-me’ phase
safe to say, our conversation stirred up some emotions in us that we did not want to face prior to this
conclusion? i miss someone.

i’m back in sitiawan btw
no astro but luckily there’s internet
so yesterday night since i was bored, i decided to watch P.S. I Love You
i’m not generally the mushy mushy kinda girl
and i dont even read chic lits on a regular basis, neither do i fancy them
but P.S. I Love You is one of my fav books of all time.
its written by Cecilia Ahern  (and i think she’s brilliant!)
embarrassed as i am to admit it, i’ve read that book several times and it always makes me… erm… cry (shy! *runs and hides in a hole*…)
so obviously i know the story pretty well
and knowing how adaptations are never accurate, i had my reservations about this film
again, surprisingly, it turned out pretty good!
and i like their soundtracks as well!
(search for Kisses and Cake by John Powell, Galway Girl sung by Gerard Butler, If I Ever Leave This World Alive by Flogging Molly, No Other Love by Chuck Prophet)
its not exactly like the book, of course
they changed so many things
and i still do not agree with the choice of actors for the film, (cos i already had some other image in my mind.. pardon my imagination)
but it is still good! (i think its cos of the letters)
seriously, with words like these in there.. (ok.. i’m a sucker for words)
this is the last letter, because there is only one thing left to tell you. It isn’t to go down memory lane or make you buy a lamp, you can take care of yourself without any help from me. It’s to tell you how much you move me, how you changed me. You made me a man, by loving me Holly. And for that, I am eternally grateful… If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you’re sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, that you’ll try to see yourself through my eyes. Thank you for the honor of being my wife. I’m a man with no regrets. How lucky am I. You made my life, Holly. But I’m just one chapter in yours. There’ll be more. I promise. So here it comes, the big one. Don’t be afraid to fall in love again. Watch out for that signal, when life as you know it ends.
P.S. I will always love you
personally i think the tag line should have been
“…. when life as you know it, ends”

oooooh! a thought just hit me
since life is so short, have i really taken the time to tell the people whom i love that i actually DO love them?

have you?

check this out!

ok this is a video link that joceypie sent me..
its hilarious!
she loves him.
who doesnt?!

and this is, if i’m not mistaken, one of the featured songs on the malaysian hit drama series, Ghost.
its not the first time i’m hearing it but because i’ve forgotten bout this song, its refreshing to hear it again.
the thing with this song is that i’ve like it since the minute i heard it being played at Rojak.
they played it during the transition of plays.
and i’ve been hooked on it ever since!
there something bout this song that is just so captivating. (to me at least)

here it is.
Gabriel by Lamb

enjoy~

i’m currently hooked on..

.. a few web pages.

namely these few

United Nations

How Stuff Works

UNICEF 

8TV 
(i go to catch-up tv mostly. currently hooked on the malaysian drama series called ‘Ghost’. directed by Ng Ping Ho)

google 
(how can anyone not like google?)

sekian~

snippet of recent mindless conversation

alex says:
AHAHHAHAHHAHHA perfume whore
omg i am like tht too omg hahahahaha
ok la i really prefer perfume or eau de toilette to cologne honestly

dot says:
cologne smells like the masjit
hahahaha

alex says:
wht is masjit!

dot says:
mosque

alex says:
insect repellent ah hahaha

dot says:
hahahahahaha

alex says:
masjid la cik oi

dot says:
OH
oops
sorry

alex says:
HAHAHAHAHAH WTF WTF

dot says:
hhhahahahahahhaahha

alex says:
woi here got smell like masjid omg HAHAHHAHAHAAHHA
omg rupa rupanya ure so damn funny hahahahahahahahaha

dot says:
hehehehe
i cannot helpt it
cologne is a no no for me la
hahahahha

alex says:
yalah
actually i dnt like cologne cos it reeks of men’s ego
too empowering i hate it
not even sensual to begin with pfttttt

dot says:
yea
the musk is like a ball enlargement oilment
…

alex says:
ball or balls!
omg wtf wht kinda description is tht hahahahahahahahahahhaa
u and ur references ya allah
mmg out of the world pls

dot says:
kekeke…
cant help it
sorry
hahaha

end of snippet~evidently my brains are not functioning well..
or has it ever functioned in the first place? hmmmmmm

edit:  actually, come to think about it, cologne smells like the catholic church as well. i think its the incense that they burn. buddhism censers (incense burners) have a more distinguishable smell. very sharp and to-you-brain.

i think i just dont like the smell of mass conformity.

i miss my kids~!

 i miss em so much…

havent seen them in weeks!!!!!

awwwwwwww……

the leaning bin of bangsar

kekeke

my ‘gangsta’ craze

gosh~
anyone near me will absolutely die if i get my way and blast my playlist on my speakers all day long

know why?
it only has a few songs
and its repeating and repeating and repeating..
over and over and over again..
like a broken record

1. T-Pain feat. akon - bartender
2. Flo Rida feat. T-Pain – get low
3. Soulja Boy – crank dat
4. J Holiday – bed
5. Christ Brown feat. T-Pain – kiss kiss
6. Craig David feat. 50 Cent – hot stuff
7. Rihanna – please dont stop the music

i’m random and odd~

jesus~ everyone’s pregnant!

was surfing and ended up reading the superficial
and nearly every other post is an announcement of one or another celeb who’s pregnant!

lets list them down now shall we?

1. angelina jolie
2. gwen stefani
3. alessandra ambrosio
4. jessica alba
5. camilla alves (matthew mcconaughey’s gf)
6. jamie lynn spears
7. mary lynn rajskub (chloe o’brian of 24)
8. jennifer lopez

is it a trend or what?????

p.s. aliza elizabeth is also preggers with twins!