dont give up just yet

Disclaimer: just a short taken out of Malcolm Gladwell’s What the Dog Saw under the article Late Bloomers

  Ben Fountain did not make the decision to quit the law and become a writer all by himself. He is married and has a family. He met his wife, Sharon, when they were both in law school at Duke. When he was doing real-estate work at Akin, Gump, she was on the partner track in the tax practice at Thompson & Knight. The two actually worked in the same building in downtown Dallas. They got married in 1985, and had a son in April of 1987. Sharie, as Fountain calls her, took four months of maternity leave before returning to work. She made partner by the end of that year.

“we had our son in a day care downtown,” she recalls. “We would drive in together, one of us would take him to day care, the other one would go to work. One of us would pick him up, and then, somewhere around eight o’clock at night, we would have him bathed, in bed and then we hadn’t even eaten yet, and we’d be looking at each other, going, ‘This is just the beginning.’ ” She made a face. “That went on for maybe a month or two, and Ben’s like, ‘I don’t know how people do this.’ We both agreed that continuing at that pace was probably going to make us all miserable. Ben said to me, ‘Do you want to stay home?’ Well, I was pretty happy in my job, and he wasn’t, so as far as I was concerned it didn’t make any sense for me to stay home. And I didn’t have anything besides practicing law that I really wanted to do, and he did. So I said, ‘Look, can we do this in a way that we can still have some day care and so you can write?’ And so we did that.”

Ben could start writing at seven-thirty in the morning because Sharie took their son to day care. He stopped working in the afternoon because that was when he had to pick him up, and then he did the shopping and the household chores. In 1989, they had a second child, a daughter. Fountain was a full-fledged North Dallas stay-at-home dad.

“When Ben first did this, we talked about the fact that it might not work, and we talked about, generally, ‘When will we know that it really isn’t working?’ and I’d say, ‘Well, give it ten years,’ ” Sharie recalled. To her, ten years didn’t seem unreasonable. ”It takes a while to decide whether you like something or not,” she says. And when ten years became twelve and then fourteen and then sixteen, and the kids were off in high school, she stood by him, because, even during that long stretch when Ben had nothing published at all, she was confident that he was getting better. She was fine with the trips to Haiti, too. “I can’t imagine writing a novel about a place you haven’t at least tried to visit,” she says. She even went with him once, and on the way into town from the airport there were people burning tires in the middle of the road.

“I was making pretty decent money, and we didn’t need two incomes,” Sharie went on. She has a calm, unflappable quality about her. “I mean, it would have been nice, but we could live on one.”

Sharie was Ben’s wife. But she was also – to borrow a term from long ago – his patron. That word has a condescending edge to it today, because we think it far more appropriate for artists (and everyone else for that matter) to be supported by the marketplace. But the marketplace works ony for people like Jonathan Safran Foer, whose art emerges, fully realized, at the beginning of their career, or Picasso, whose talent was so blindingly obvious that an art dealer offered him a hundred-and-fifty-franc-a-month stipend the minute he got to Paris, at age twenty. If you are the type of creative mind that starts without a plan, and has to experiment and learn by doing, you need someone to see you through the long and difficult time it takes for your art to reach its true level.

This is what is so instructive about any biography of Cezanne. Accounts of his life start out being about Cezanne, and then quickly turn into the story of Cezanne’s circle. First and foremost is always his best friend from childhood, the writer Emile Zola, who convinces the awkward misfit from the provinces to come to Paris, and who serves as his guardian and protector and coach through the long, lean years.

Camille Pissarro was the next critical figure in Cezanne’s first one-man show, at the age of fifty-six. At the urging of Pissarro, Renoir, Degas, and Monet, Vollard hunted down Cezanne in Aix. He spotted a still-life in a tree, where it had been flung by Cezanne in disgust. He poked around the town, putting the word out that he was in the market for Cezanne’s canvases.

All this came before Vollard agreed to sit 150 times, from eight in the morning to eleven-thirty, without a break, for a picture that Cezanne disgustedly abandoned. Once, Vollard recounted in his memoir, he fell asleep, and toppled off the makeshift platform. Cezanne berated him, incensed: “Does an apple move?” This is called friendship.

Finally, there was Cezanne’s father, the banker Louis-Auguste. From the time Cezanne first left Aix, at the age of twenty-two, Louis-Auguste paid his bills, even when Cezanne gave every indication of being nothing more than a failed dilettante. But for Zola, Cezanne would have remained an unhappy banker’s son in Provence; but for Pissarro, he would never have learned how to paint; but for Vollard (at the urging of Pissarro, Renoir, Degas, and Monet), his canvases would have rotted away in some attic; and, but for his father, Cezanne’s long apprenticeship would have been a financial impossibility. That is an extraordinary list of patrons. The first three – Zola, Pissarro, and Vollard – would have been famous even if Cezanne never existed, and the fourth was an unusually gifted entrepreneur who left Cezanne four hundred thousand francs when he died. Cezanne didn’t just have help. He had a dream team in his corner.

This is the final lesson of the late bloomer: his or her success is highly contingent on the efforts of others. In biographies of Cezanne, Louis-Auguste invariably comes across as a kind of grumpy philistine, who didn’t appreciate his son’s genius. But Louis-Auguste didn’t have to support Cezanne all those years. He would have been within his rights to make his son get a real job, just as Sharie might well have said no to her husband’s repeated trips to the chaos of Haiti. She could have argued that she had some right to the lifestyle of her profession and status – that she deserved to drive a BMW, which is what power couples in North Dallas drive, instead of a Honda Accord, which is what she settled for.

But she believed in her husband’s art, or perhaps, more simply, she believed in her husband, the same way Zola and Pissarro and Vollard and – in his own querulous way – Louis-Auguste must have believed in Cezanne. Late bloomers’ stories are invariably love stories, and this may be why we have such difficulty with them. We’d like to think that mundane matters like loyalty, steadfastness, and the willingness to keep writing checks to support what looks like failure have nothing to do with something as rarefied as genius. But sometimes genius is anything but rarefied; sometimes it’s just the thing that emerges after twenty years of working at your kitchen table.

“Sharie never once brought up money, not once – never,” Fountain said. She was sitting next to him, and he looked at her in a way that made it plain that he understood how much of the credit for Brief Encounters belonged to his wife. His eyes welled up with tears. “I never felt any pressure from her,” he said. “Not even covert, not even implied.”

October 20, 2008

So you see, all it takes is for one person to believe in you and that it does indeed takes time to finally get to where you want to be albeit through a lot of doubt, moments of giving up, hardwork and love.
If you already have your support team, be grateful. They are hard to come by these days.

No one gets to where they are alone.

So, don’t give up just yet.

living with ADHD

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
or better known as ADHD
or better yet, something not many asians are educated about

i’m gonna go out on a limb and be totally honest and transparent about myself here

all my bleeding life i’ve been told over and over to concentrate, be more focused, have more self esteem, that i’m hyperactive and a whole host of things that never really summed up to anything other than making me feel worse about myself because i felt as though i was difficult and different from other kids and “why am i not normal..?!” always cropped up
regardless, after getting my ass to collage and taking a bit of psychology, i started joking about how i am ADHD
still, i never really took it seriously or did any research at that time as i havent, at that point, examined myself honestly

recently, however, since i’ve gotten a lot of opportunities to understand myself further, well, needless to say i’ve realized a lot of things about myself which i’ve never previously noticed were characteristics which i possess

before elaborating further, here are the types and symptoms of ADHD taken from www.webmd.com
i’ve also (√) the symptoms which i have coupled with occasional commentary

ADHD is more commonly found in children and teens but there are also adults suffering from ADHD. However, symptoms in adults vary from that of children and teens.

Types of ADHD
there are 3 types of ADHD
1) combined ADHD (the most common type), which involves all of the symptoms
2) inattentive ADHD (previously known as ADD), which is marked by impaired attention and concentration
3) hyperactive-impulsive ADHD, which is marked by hyperactivity without inattentiveness

Symptoms of ADHD
http://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/guide/adhd-symptoms

Inattention may not become apparent until a child enters the challenging environment of school. In adults, symptoms of inattention may manifest in work or in social situations.

A person with ADHD may have some or all of the following symptoms:

• difficulty paying attention to details and tendency to make careless mistakes in school or other activities; producing work that is often messy and careless (thank god i’m a perfectionist when it comes to things i WANT done)
• easily distracted by irrelevant stimuli and frequently interrupting ongoing tasks to attend to trivial noises or events that are usually ignored by others  (√ so true)
• inability to sustain attention on tasks or activities  (√ yah! cant read for longer than 10 seconds before having to look up or wander my thoughts)
• difficulty finishing schoolwork or paperwork or performing tasks that require concentration  (√ unless i FORCE myself to especially when it comes to things i WANT done)
• frequent shifts from one uncompleted activity to another  (√)
• procrastination  (√)
• disorganized work habits  (√ i do things my way)
• forgetfulness in daily activities (for example, missing appointments, forgetting to bring lunch)  (√ always forgetting something and here i thought i was having early onset of Alzheimer’s, jk)
• failure to complete tasks such as homework or chores  (√ i think throughout school life i’ve only ever completed 2% of my homework. TRUTH!)
• frequent shifts in conversation, not listening to others, not keeping one’s mind on conversations, and not following details or rules of activities in social situations  (√ yup.. i can start the sentence and lose train of thought and end completely off topic)

Hyperactivity symptoms may be apparent in very young preschoolers and are nearly always present before the age of seven. Symptoms include:

• fidgeting, squirming when seated  (√ yes yes yes and yes)
• getting up frequently to walk or run around  (√)
• running or climbing excessively when it’s inappropriate (in teens this may appear as restlessness)  (√)
• having difficulty playing quietly or engaging in quiet leisure activities  (√ massages and manicures are such pain!)
• being always on the go  (√ hmmm maybe that’s why i travel.. backside itchy)
• often talking excessively  (yah.. haha i think some people can attest to that lol! especially at inappropriate times!)

Hyperactivity may vary with age and developmental stage.

Toddlers and preschoolers with ADHD tend to be constantly in motion, jumping on furniture, and having difficulty participating in sedentary group activities. For instance, they may have trouble listening to a story.

School-age children display similar behavior but with less frequency. They are unable to remain seated, squirm a lot, fidget, or talk excessively.

In adolescents and adults, hyperactivity may manifest itself as feelings of restlessness and difficulty engaging in quiet sedentary activities.

Impulsivity symptoms include:

• impatience  (√)
• difficulty delaying responses  (√)
• blurting out answers before questions have been completed  (√)
• difficulty awaiting one’s turn  (√)
• frequently interrupting or intruding on others to the point of causing problems in social or work settings  (√ i do realize that i sometimes cant stop myself from blurting mid-conversation usually because i just exited my own world and fail to realize that other people are having a discussion or conversation or just yapping.. but i do stop myself once i realize my mistake)
• initiating conversations at inappropriate times  (√ like during movies or whenever something pops into my mind..)

Impulsivity may lead to accidents such as knocking over objects or banging into people. Children with ADHD may also engage in potentially dangerous activities without considering the consequences. For instance, they may climb to precarious positions.

Many of these symptoms occur from time to time in normal youngsters. However, in children with ADHD they occur frequently — at home and at school or when visiting with friends. They also interfere with the child’s ability to function normally.

ADHD is diagnosed after children consistently display some or all of the above behaviors in at least two settings, such as at home and in school, for at least six months.

Long-Term Prognosis With ADHD

Some children with ADHD — approximately 20% to 30% — develop learning problems that may not improve with ADHD treatment. Hyperactive behavior can be associated with the development of other disruptive disorders, particularly conduct and oppositional-defiant disorder. Why this association exists is not known.

A great many children with ADHD ultimately adjust. Some, though, especially those with an associated conduct or oppositional-defiant disorder (√ explains.. i think my mom will appreciate knowing why i was and am so rebellious), are more likely to drop out of school. These individuals fare more poorly in their later careers than individuals who did not have ADHD do.

Inattention tends to persist through childhood and adolescence and on into adulthood. The symptoms of hyperactivity and impulsivity tend to diminish with age (doesnt seem so..).

As they grow older, some teens that have had severe ADHD since middle childhood experience periods of anxiety or depression.

There are several warning signs for ADHD that seem to get worse when demands at school or home increase. They include:

• difficulties following instructions  (√)
• being unable to get organized, either at home or at school  (50/50 depends)
• fidgeting, especially with the hands and feet  (√)
• talking too much  (√ or not at all)
• failing to finish projects, including chores and homework  (√)
• not paying attention to and responding to details  (√ ha! its not because i do it on purpose!)
• getting poor grades in school  (quite lol! i’d say mid level grades)
• being isolated from peers due to poor grades and secondary depression (yes to secondary depression and isolation but not due to grades)

ADHD in adults

ADHD: It’s Not Just for Children
Most people think of children when they hear the term attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. But 30%-70% of kids with ADHD continue having symptoms when they grow up. People with ADHD have an imbalance of neurotransmitter activity in areas of the brain that control attention. In adults, the inability to stay focused can derail careers (√), ambitions (√), and relationships (√). Many adults don’t realize they have the disorder, leaving them mystified about why their goals always seem to slip out of reach.

Adult ADHD Symptoms
ADHD in adults follows a slightly different pattern than in children. Adults may be chronically late to work or important events (√ no shit.. i think my friends are having a laughing fit reading this). They may be disorganized (√ depending on which part of life we’re talking about.. not when it comes to event organizing though curiously), restless (√), and have difficulty relaxing (√). Some people with ADHD have trouble concentrating while reading (√ yup… cant read a couple of sentences without daydreaming a little till i’ve got to re-read the same few sentences haiyoh!). Mood swings (√), low self-esteem (√ AGREED!), and poor anger management (√) are also common problems.

Adult ADHD on the Job
Holding down a job can be tough for people with ADHD. They often have trouble breaking down tasks and following directions (√ more like instructions), staying organized, and making deadlines. They’re also prone to tardiness and careless mistakes. According to a national survey, only half of adults with ADHD were able to maintain a full-time position, compared to 72% of adults without the disorder. When they do work, they tend to earn less than their peers.

Adult ADHD and Marriage
Besides undermining job potential, ADHD can sabotage marriage and other relationships. The condition makes it difficult to remember social commitments, birthdays or anniversaries, finish household chores, and pay bills on time. Adults with ADHD may lose their tempers easily or engage in reckless behavior. This leads to a higher incidence of separation and divorce.

Complications of Adult ADHD
Coping with the symptoms of adult ADHD can be frustrating in itself. Additionally, many adults with ADHD have coexisting conditions such as depression (√ mild), anxiety (√ mild), or obsessive compulsive disorder (√ mild). They’re also more likely to smoke or abuse drugs. People with ADHD can limit these problems by seeking proper treatment.

Adult ADHD: Who’s at Risk?
ADHD does not develop spontaneously in adults. All people with ADHD had symptoms as a child. Many adult patients remember doing poorly in school, even if they were not diagnosed with ADHD at the time. During childhood, the condition is more common in boys than girls, but this ratio appears to even out by adulthood.

Diagnosing ADHD in Adults
Many adults don’t learn that they have ADHD until they get help for another problem, such as anxiety or depression. Discussing poor habits, troubles at work, or marital conflicts often reveals that ADHD is at fault. To confirm the diagnosis, a doctor must verify that the disorder was present during childhood. Old report cards or conversations with relatives can document childhood behavior problems, such as poor focus and hyperactivity.

Counseling for ADHD
Most adults with ADHD improve when they start medication, but they may continue to struggle with poor habits and low self-esteem. Counseling for ADHD focuses on getting organized, setting helpful routines, repairing relationships, and improving social skills. Research is limited, but this type of therapy appears promising. One study suggests medication combined with counseling can ease ADHD symptoms and improve management of daily tasks.

ADHD Diets
Some experts believe foods that provide quality brain fuel could reduce symptoms of ADHD. High-protein foods, including nuts, meat, beans, and eggs, may improve concentration. Replacing simple carbs with complex carbs, like whole-grain pasta or brown rice, can help ward off mood swings and stabilize energy levels.

Outlook for Adults With ADHD
Adults with ADHD don’t outgrow the condition, but many learn to manage it successfully. Long-term treatment can reduce problems at home and at work, bringing patients closer to their families and their professional goals.

before i continue, in my case, i’ve done NO substance or drug abuse or smoke. done neither.
i really thank whichever gods out there and my parents for giving me a sense of stronger moral and fundamental values because my risky behaviours were not drugs or alcohol related, they’re more adventure dangerous more than not (as some may say, i’ve got no regards to safety)

people who know me will know what i’ve (√) to be true
all those years of telling me i’m not focused and oh! the most popular “you arent interested in something long enough..!”
oh but the frustration of not being able to concentrate! its one of the most irritating things in this world!

can you imagine my relief when i read these symptoms?!
I’M NOT DIFFICULT! i just have ADHD!
(ok maybe i am difficult hahaha)
not that its any more comforting the thought that i actually have some disorder :S

at the very least, for now, i know that writing helps straighten out my thoughts in this ‘jumper’ brain of mine, documentary photography still has my interest, traveling keeps my restlessness at bay for now, adventures makes me feel alive, humanitarian philanthropy is my life’s goal, and event management especially last minute quality control is my forte (because it seems that extremely stressful situations plucks my concentration back down to earth albeit fleetingly)

if you recognize a few of these symptoms in you or your child, please get a diagnosis and help
it’ll save you and your child from a lot of self-doubt, heartache and arguments

big hugs to anyone with ADHD
it aint easy having ADHD

more reading material on girls with ADHD
http://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/features/yes-girls-get-adhd-too 

the crazies

“here’s to the crazy ones. the misfits. the rebels. the trouble-makers. the round pegs in the square holes. the ones who see things differently. they’re not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status quo. you can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. but the only thing you cant do is ignore them. because they change things. they push the human race forward. and while some may see them as the crazy ones, i see genius. because the people who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

taken from pipinero.tumblr.com

is it really a quarter?

25

thats the age women dread because they are told that everything starts to go downhill and unsightly orange peals render us to hide away our shorts to be replaced by longer pants and skirts
some girls resort to buying younger looking clothes and accessories just to look and hopefully feel younger
personally, i’m wondering whether my style’s appropriate for my age because i dont want to start looking like i’m trying to dress like i’m holding on to my teens

whats more important though, is how we feel inside, right?
well, when i’m reminded that i’m turning 25, i cringe with shock as the idea that i’m entering the late twenties is so foreign it feels like songkran in Thailand where they throw ice filled water on you on a hot hot day
yet on the other hand, i’ve always felt like an old old soul.. jaded is an understatement
most of the time i feel like i’m 35 going on 40
its so contradictory i know
i suppose its because i’ve always been the youngest wherever i go

the sudden realization that i’m 25 also somehow brings reality rushing forward to hit me in the face like its spring has just been let go after being over-stretched

all of a sudden i’m wondering what i’ve achieved so far
i’ve lived 25 years of my life and i still feel like a failure for not achieving more
and what if i live another 25 years and not do enough to make a difference in this world?

should i continue being a wallpaper? or should i try to step out into the rushing traffic?

when i was 15-24, adulthood seem so impossibly far away as though it wasnt achievable to live to feel the rush of adulthood and the rest of my life
and now all of a sudden i’m here, i’m at the start of the rest of my life, i’m at the doorway and whether i like it or not i’ll have to turn the door knob and take that first step through
it is as though my legs are moving on a treadmill with a mind of its own

life? really?

i’ve lost a lot of friends along the way, gained some, missed some
i’ve been stabbed in the back, loved as a whole
lost in time and space, at exactly where i was suppose to be

there have been experiences which, at the time made me wish they had never happened to me
yet i’m grateful they did after a few dusty roads ahead
and when i stop to look back, the journey didnt seem as tough as i first thought it was, i’d even smile, tip my hat and walk on all the time feeling as though the angels were smiling back at me as i take the next step into the unknown
sometimes things visualize in front of me as my foot touches the ground, yet other times all i see is the bleak darkness of uncertainty

honestly i cant say i’ve made a lot of right decisions this past year
hell, i’ve made some terrible decisions this past year
i’ve got to admit though, that i’m still working at getting past forgiving myself

so this coming year will be a year of observation

with almost everyone i know settling down, getting engaged, getting married, having kids, losing people they love,
it stops my heart
all of a sudden, i realize that there is so much more to life
there are so many things that i’ve not done
so much that i can do
with so little time

for the first time in my life, i truly understand what it feels like to want to be free
thoughts about getting married makes my heart trip, stumble and roll down a hill
all my life i’ve wanted to get married, have kids, have a nice family living a simple life somewhere
but in the past 2 years leading up to this day, the clarity of a world of experience and possibilities shines brighter from the tireless wipes to clear the dust in my soul’s eyes
it isnt that i dont want to get married
but i realized, i’m just not ready for that at this stage of my life
and as much as i love kids and wish i have kids, this is not the time

sometimes i wish i was more normal
you know, regular
so at least i’d feel like i fit in more
but then, why should i fit in, right?

screw the norm, i should be unprecedented

that sounded so much easier said in my head than done

this coming year, i’ve got goals which i will not mention
i also have goals i’ve yet to realize

last year i wished to travel more..
this year i’ll be more specific
i want to travel to more countries
photograph more causes
champion my own cause

i would also like to thank my loved ones, my true friends
without you guys, my life will not be
you’ve given me so much, yet all i’ve done is hide for the best part of the year
please forgive me, and give me some time
i’ll try to get back on my feet even though i’m still being dragged on my behind

that said,
happy birthday Mr Nelson Mandela
i hope to be more like you
wish i’ll get the opportunity to photograph and meet you one day soon
hugs

oh… and happy 25th birthday to the clumsy, forgetful, weird me

just a quickie: Khmu tribe’s plight

the past 4 days I’ve traveled up north from Vientiane to Vang Vieng up through to Xaignaboury
we experienced an earthquake there, magnitude 4.6, epicentre 31km from Xaignaboury
we also went to visit a remote Yeo tribe
and also a small Khmu tribe just before the Mekong River on the road that leads to Xaignaboury
and the plight of the Khmu tribe hit a nerve

this Khmu tribe has no access to clean water
their kids swim, bathe, brush their teeth using water from a pond shared with little fishes, ducks and goodness knows what else
drinking water comes from such ponds as well
having sanitary water would eliminate up to 85% of waterborne diseases causing suffering and death amongst these people
building a well and water filtration system does not take much, just a mere 2,000USD
and it would teach them a skill so that they in turn would be able to educate and help other tribes build wells and water filtration systems

i’m going to raise that money to build them one
and help build it too

who’s with me?

lack of updates

i’m guilty as charged..
initially wanted to use this blog as a platform for people to get connected to voluntary work, especially independent efforts
but where i’m staying, i do not get internet on my laptop
hence the lack of updates

anyways, i’ve got a new haircut!

short hair is great for voluntary work especially when you’ve got no shower heads, no heater, having to shower extremely cold water in cold weather with the wind blowing in to the almost outdoor bathroom, and at times extremely hot weather!

during my short visit back to Malaysia, Josephine Woon (Jo) whom i met 4 years back posted on facebook that she’s got some baby clothes to give away.. so i contacted her and got a HUGE luggage worth of baby’s and kids clothes along with a few smaller bags of kids stuff..
and when i told her about the kids and them not having english books and colour pencils, she went out and bought me a whole load of them!
THANK YOU JO!

the following two pictures were taken with my phone (nokia e72).. the quality is.. questionable.. sorry

before i landed, i posted on my facebook that i needed notebooks and pens and blackboard dusters..
in less than an hour, Charlene Yap, whom i also met 4 years back said that she’ll buy them for my students!
here is a shot of my adult class using the workbook Jo got with the pens that Charlene bought..
THANK YOU CHARLENE!!

i was pretty sure my luggages were gonna be overweight.. so the night before i was going to fly back to Lao, i took a chance and emailed Mr. Tony Fernandes and told him about my situation
the next day, i got an email from Frank Bateman of Customer Care informing me that i’ve been awarded 15kg extra on top of the 30kg that i bought! And that my new flight itinerary was already waiting in my inbox for print!
that was AWESOME!
i had 45kg total!
THANK YOU MR. TONY FERNANDES and FRANK BATEMAN!

although, at the airport, i was charged RM100 cos i was 5kg over my 45kg..
-.-
oh well.. its for the kids.. its worth it!
too bad the lady at the counter was super rude to me, the security too.. when i walked pass them, they looked at me and went “seorang je bawak semua ni?!” (one person bringing so much stuff?!) *sarcastically*
oh well..

and THANK YOU MOMMY for the IQ books, pencil boxes, colouring books, and toys for Kao and Lo
THANK YOU NING for the clothes for them too

so i gave a huge bag of baby clothes, few toys, new bottle to baby Matthew, will upload pictures if i can.. the parents were super grateful they thanked me publicly on Sunday..
gave the notebooks and pens to my adult students who were super happy and excited some of them started using them already, the rest felt it too precious so they decided to keep them for later
gave jewellery to my Lao mom and Matthew’s mom.. its something when you see them wear it over and over
gave the colour pencils to the kids
gave some IQ and colouring books with toys and colour pencils to Kao and Lo (two kids at the farm) and they were super duper mega excited when i taught them how to do the IQ games! that was a sight to behold.. the joy on their faces!
and later on used the colouring english books with the kids english class and they LOVED english class for the first time since i’ve been there (i’ve only taught them a few times).. they LOVED the books, Poo even hugged the book almost the entire time unbelieving that its hers to keep.. the rest had to ask my permission whether they can colour every single picture in that lesson.. its their first time actually colouring..

the things we take for granted, others treasure with all their hearts
certainly puts things into perspective, time and time again

Part of where I’m going, is knowing where I’m coming from

at times, actually its all the time, i feel as though nobody understands me..
it is indescribable, how i actually am as a person.
it actually is complicated, yet simple at the same time.. contradictory? yah i think so..
sigh, yet at the same time i somewhat understand myself.. besides, arent we the true masters of our soul?

sometimes when i zone out, which is quite often actually, it is not because i am not interested in what you’ve got to say or that i’ve got problems, but there are so many things going on inside my head and i’m either trying to figure it out, rationalize, or search inwards for the best possible explanation/rationale.. also at the same time, i may have a million and one ideas popping up about this, that and everything else, some of which gets documented, some i just let slip.. although, at times, i also blank out and allow my thoughts to just swim about just above consciousness without focusing on any single thought just because i need a period of peace..
at the same time, when it comes to having to make small talk, i find myself shunning those moments and shying away as much as possible because i can never make good enough small talk to seem polite or interested.. words just fail me.. i also find small talk meaningless so i’d rather spend quality time with the people i love, talking about things that matter or that are interesting and stimulating.. anything that is debatable, has many points of views, needs creative thought are all things that i enjoy pondering upon, especially when it comes to different ways to solving a lot of the world’s issues which i am personally passionate about, or trying to figure out how the mind works, personalities and characters, cultures..

some people may think i’m directionless in life because i choose to take things as they come as i truly believe that we should live in the moment and also, things change every minute of every day anyways. choosing to ignore that is just being silly.
things that i painstakingly plan never ever works out.. someone once told me that plans only exist for God’s laughing pleasure haha! indeed, every time i decide to do something, like get an epiphany of a straight road ahead, guaranteed, within two weeks, something would come up or something would change which in turn alter the course of my plans entirely.. which doesnt bother me now as i’ve learnt to accept it as it is.. nothing is ever certain, the only certainty is death and that kinda puts things into perspective, doesnt it? granted that these kinda talk only garners comments like “oh you are such an irresponsible person!”, “why cant you have more stability in life? what about your future?”..
well excuse me mister, i know what my end goal is and what i want to achieve in life. the route that i take to get there may not be the same and it may vary from time to time as i go with the flow of life, but it doesnt mean that i’m aimless and have no sense of responsibility. my responsibility, however selfish it may sound, is not to anyone else but myself and to the people i dedicate my life to, in this case, the people who are most voiceless in this world, children, orphans, teenage mothers, women, the abused, the shunned, africa, india, and currently lao.. it may sound odd to you but that is my core passion, so who is anyone to judge me?
i may live the life of a hippie and travel like a nomad, but it isnt in vain, it is to do what i love doing most.

i may not put importance on or think highly of a lot of things that general people do. i do not view success to be in the form of economic status or how popular you are, rather in the little things which i can achieve such as putting a smile on an orphan’s heart or contributing to poverty alleviation in whatever way i can.. success, to me, is in how many lives i am able to change for the better, how many permanent smiles i can put on the hearts of children and the people i’m passionate about.. money does not buy you everything, it certainly does not buy you permanent happiness.. of course money does make the world go round and it is an essential part of life, but what i meant was that its not something i pursue or dream to have more and more of. it isnt something i want an abundance of.

there are also a lot of trivial things that people often take to heart or dramatize which i find really ridiculous and irritating because why fret the little things when there are so many other bigger problems in life as opposed to “why didnt he call me back?” or “why did she say that of me?” or “oh my life is in such shit (coming from sheltered people thinking their small problems are the end of their world)”.. if you must fret, at least fret about something that has more sense or please dont waste anyone else’s time (disclaimer: if you’re someone i regard of as a true friend, i’d listen to you regardless and NOT have ill feelings.. anyone else can go to hell.. said with all the love in the world)..
personally, i’d rather fret about things like how to effectively persuade the malaysian government into altering the rules and regulations of the malaysian constitution to allow refugees permanent stay rather then malaysia being a touch-base only to be sent off to another country and how best to rid the ‘invisible’ child trafficking which is happening pretty much under everybody’s noses..
so, call me if you’re a rational person or if i regard you as one, and put your phones down if you’re only looking for sympathy when all you are is an exaggerating drama queen (this is gender equal.. not suggesting any specific gender per se)
oh and also know that i treasure true friendships and regard my few trusted friends as my family

i may go an extra mile for the people i am passionate about and whom i think needs it most and are most unable to attain love.. and i guess certain times the people closest to me feel as though i do not prioritize them in my life because any normal person would first put their closest loved ones ahead of everyone else..
well, in this case, i’ve got no easier or kinder way of putting it, but,
“my dear loved ones, you are important to me, and i do love you, but i also think you are capable and able to do and achieve a lot of things on your own. you are blessed with so much more in life and i know and trust that you are capable of handling yourself, so i’d rather sacrifice more for the people who arent able to. it isnt because i do not love you enough, or that i do not want to sacrifice for you, but its because i truly believe that you are blessed enough to be able to be independent and that there are other people in the world that are more in need of a lot of things than you do. however, i will still try my very best to be there when you need me.”
this is something i doubt many will understand. i myself do not understand how or why i could and can feel this way. but this is how i am. i’m sorry if it offends you. i never expected anyone to understand or accept me as i am anyway.

there are a lot of things i’d like to do.. they may sound crazy as though i’ve got a death wish hidden somewhere, but whats life without experiences, hey? haha!
i’d like to truck surf (like stand or lie belly down on top of a 16 wheeler while it drives down the freeway) hmmm actually train surfing sounds fun too.. lol, or dive with sharks (i still hate the ocean), or lay with ligers or go undercover to expose corruption within the feared or journey through continents by 4WD just to create awareness or travel to the most remote and dangerous countries because thats where all the voiceless people are..

oh.. and i get up to soooo much nonsense when i’m in the mood.. it may irk people out sometimes with my nonsense.. i can either go on and on with silly lame jokes or very disgusting things..
and i love, like LOVE grabbin ass.. i may have grabbed most my friend’s asses before.. lol.. so beware!! i may just grab yours just cos i like it! mwahahahahahaha.. and make silly faces at the same time hahaha!

hmmm…. other than that, my quirks includes my odd views of a lot of things.. i may see something and think of the oddest comparison like how the african low bushes look like african curls from the plane, and how planes look like chickens attempting to fly! lol

simple things makes me happy.. like bubbles, genuine smiles, simple acts of kindness, alone time, a good song, beautiful gentle butterflies gliding, cute lil mushrooms, pictures of cute animals, tiger and lion (cubs), giraffes, zoos, babies, kids, food i enjoy, cuddles, time well spent catching up with friends, a good movie, a good photograph.. and a whole host of other things that are often overlooked or child-like..
i mean, seriously, zoos and bubbles makes me OH-SO-HAPPY!
me hearts zoos and bubbles! me hearts me hearts me hearts!!

people’ve called me an old soul, eccentric and free spirited..
i honestly dont really  thrive on labels..
but hey, i dont want to be anything other then me

nice and quiet birthday

i opted not to celebrate my birthday, on the actual day, this year
partially due to the fact that my body’s still not up to much vigorous activities and i’ve never really been a crowd person

birthdays are special because we, as humans tend to forget keeping in touch or just not have the time to keep in touch with people we hold dear.. and technology is such these days that reconnects you with them, especially on birthdays
throughout the night and day, i’ve received countless of touching wishes which made my day oh so much more memorable ..

two weeks ago, i received a very surprising treasure hunt from someone special.. it was very heartwarming and touching.. thank you so very much!
and then i also had a surprise early birthday cake with faiz, michelle, jess and tl..

on sunday (exactly two weeks ago) i received a surprise birthday party, where only my close friends and people whom i hold so very dear to my heart and whom i do not get to see often, was present.. it was very thoughtful and touching and unexpected..
as much as i hate surprises, i loved this one
luckily it wasnt a huge group.. less then ten people so it was just the right number and very cosy the company
i swear i love all my friends!! cannot imagine my life without them!

yesterday, on the eve of my birthday, choy, whom i called to lament about me being all lonely for my bday, cooked a delicious dinner for me..
when i told her of my plight, she, without skipping a beat, promised me she’ll come back to KL for my birthday..
and she did..
her coming all the way back and cooking for me made my birthday all the more special
so we had a quiet, simple and super yummy dinner with her and her dad and proceeded to long girly chats talking about everything under the sun..
fun, sex, men, boys, future, kids, leala, marriage, CAPE TOWN!
we even skyped may who’s in Jakarta for a bit.. it was quite fun trying to communicate (scream and yell more like it hahahahaha) through broken microphones hahaha

i would’ve loved to stay over but my body wasnt too up for it..
i love my jie jie to bits… absolutely LOVE HER!
i really do hope that we get to move to Cape Town together and live there forever!
absolutely love love love love her!

claude called at midnight on the dot despite her being in the midst of her exams..
we had a good chat and i’ve not seen my wifey in months!
i miss her so much.. cant wait for her exams to finish so i can see her again…
love her so much too!!!

sue and jeevs, you are not forgotten!
thank you for the wish all the way from Paris! love you so much and cant wait for you to get back!
jeevs, thank you for the personal wish.. it meant a lot

what i absolutely loved about today is the fact that Alvin and Tai Leong, both my friends from highschool, decided to bring lunch over because i wasnt quite up to leaving the house..

they GPS-ed their way over and even got lost along the way haha bringing with them north indian food (good food i might add) and also a small cake from Star Bucks!

also because i was already chatting with Patricia, who’s my bestie in Melb, we decided to skype with her while we had lunch..

it was really amazing because it seemed like she was right here with us..
‘cept for the fact that she looked tiny and she was sitting on the coffee table in a laptop… technically hahaha
so  we basically had a very chilled out, fun and relaxing afternoon filled with heaps of laughter, catching up and highschool teen gossips!

pat trying to smile -.-
love her so much hahahaha

no pat, you do NOT look fat and you’re gorgeous and too skinny and i LOVE YOU ALWAYS!

i miss my highschool days when everything was less complicated and stressful
but moments like these, the short afternoon with alvin, taileong and pat, are moments that touches my heart far more than any thing else
its hard to imagine that we’ve been friends for more than a decade! 12 years or more of friendship.. 23 years of friendship with Alvin, 12 years or more with Pat and Tai Leong
spontaneity and great company always brings about great fun
thank you alvin and taileong for the great afternoon and very tasty food! LOVE YOU GUYS!

after alvin and taileong left, pat and i had a good session of catching up
always loved her, always will

half way through the day, (ping) may texts me and asks me for dinner..
she promised it would be a quiet one..
and since i wasnt too keen on going out it took me a while to decide..
but i’m glad i went anyways

all three of us have been friends for over 6 years..
I’ve known them all my KL life and somehow, regardless of how rare we see each other, we still connect on a level which is quite hard to find these days

we ended up having drinks with Lallu’s brother and his friends
and then headed to Marche at 10pm to have a quick dinner as we were all starving! hahaha
we got a chance to catch up with light hearted banter injected with talks of marriage and kids (hmmm this seems to be a frequently brought up topic… must be the age hahaha)
lets face it, we all love kids… all three of us..
and it was amusing to see how our lives have changed after college
we’ve never thought that our lives would turn out the way it did
well, maybe may did hahaha
but one thing’s for sure, we all want kids before we’re 30 and it doesnt matter whether we’re married or not, we still want kids..
thats just how much we love kids and how strong willed and independent they are
i love them to bits

i wonder whether this is a case of domestication or aging, but it is nice to not celebrate birthdays anymore.. not in a huge way i mean
i appreciate quiet lunches and dinners far more to parties and crowds

all in all, it was a very memorable birthday
i would not have wanted it any other way

be careful what you wish for

a year ago, on my birthday, i wished for more..
i wished that i traveled, photograph, meet new people, and experience new things
i lusted for more

and it came true

after my rather humble wishes, i had a whirlwind and bizarre year..

now lets see what happened
‘cos i’m still having a hard time comprehending my past year! haha

if i’m not mistaken, my year was pretty uneventful up till Miss World Malaysia 2009
i’ve not blogged about my experience as i never knew what to say..
but anyhow, from only wanting to join because the international finals was in South Africa (ya.. i know… but its South Africa man!) and i needed to overcome my fear of speaking on stage in public, i emerged as Second Runners Up.
it was very very unexpected..
but hey, whats life if everything is expected, right?

yeah.. i know right… since when this tomboy can walk  in heels and look like a girl.. hahaha
trust me, i was walking kangkang the whole time, at points like a duck, and also with my mouth quivering so much i bet everyone could see it a mile away.. hahahahahaha

was smiling at the StART Society kids.. at that point, all inhibition was out the window! then again apparently it wasnt there to begin with cos i apparently had a jaw dropping moment when they announced Mourhna was not in top 10.. (information courtesy of Claudia)
oh and i was waving like a nutcase at the kids to the right anyways hahahahaha

trust me, when i look at the pictures now, i still cant comprehend the fact that i’m second runners up..
ya ya its coming to a year but wth man.. it did not change much ofs my life

although i’d say the experience of being in a pageant is one of a kind, i’d not recommend it to people who cannot put up with the extremely competitive who are willing to do anything to get ahead
if you are considering a pageant, do be nice to everyone..
when i say nice, i mean genuinely nice..
do NOT in any way be fake because if you cant even be truthful to yourself, how can you be truthful to anyone else?
yes, at the end of the day, it is a competition, but there is no need to bring others down. you do not lose anything by helping others. nothing at all.

well then, my next big decision was to quit Stylo.
that happened towards the end of the year.
while working there, i realized that i did not like how i’ve become.
being in the fashion industry puts you in very close proximity with socialites, wanna-bes and the whole circus basically.
and the particular group that i constantly had to be in contact with was sucking the life out of me and i allowed them to.
i am not proud of how i was at that point in life.
it changes you after a while and it wasnt pretty.
but hey, i’ve learnt quite a fair bit from them.
i’ve learnt that if i ever had a child, i will need to be a parent to them and discipline them and not spoil them by being too soft or by being disillusioned into thinking that because i am who i am, my child will automatically turn out alright as well without me doing anything.
i’ve learnt that if you allow them to get into your head, they will play you out and make your personal life their playground.
i’ve learnt that certain people never change. no amount of tragedy will change their mean-ness.
i’ve learnt how to maneuver around two headed snakes.
i’ve also learnt how to be more private.
and i’ve learnt how to say NO.
i’ve also gained some friends whom i hold dear.

moving on, faiz, who’s been more then a good friend to me, decided that since i got second runners up, i should still go to South Africa to watch the finals because he had a friend working for the Miss World organization.
so after a long debate, i finally decided to go.
and man do i not regret that decision.
we had a 9 hour stop over in Dubai and so we took a trip around to the sights..
had breakfast inside the Burj Al-Arab, shopped at their biggest mall, visit the Atlantis and the Palm, and stood in front of Burj Khalifah

South Africa is really something else.
i felt at home right away.
loved the people, loved the weather, loved everything about it.
and of course, it was an experience watching Miss World!
it wasnt as glamourous as we see on tv.. the cameras did a great job in making everything look way bigger and grander then it actually was.

i also got the opportunity to touch lion cubs and  chance on my first international job

more pictures HERE

oh and did i mention that i wrote a letter to Mr. Mandela and he read it?

so after a heartbreaking few weeks back in Malaysia,
i headed back to South Africa to work.
it also gave me a chance to photograph as i finally got my own dslr

i also got to spend some time with the kids at the Orlando Children’s Home in Soweto.
and i met some people whom i hold very very close to my heart.
heather, prudence, ida, joseph, dede, baby ethan, altaf, danielle, snowdon, masoud, robert, david..

prudence, heather, ida, and dede

must say i really miss baby ethan.. last i heard, he could crawl and stand up already! awww…
i miss them all!!!!!

well, before anyone got a chance to watch the world cup, i got to experience the Durban stadium
it was a friendly between Namibia and South Africa..
we were lucky and the tickets were cheap!
oh and a pretty hot Namibian footballer kept checking me out tee hee!

table mountain..

i was privileged enough to be able to visit Cape Town twice, Durban twice, Port Elizabeth, Grahamstown, Petermarizburg, Gabarone, Botswana twice and also Windhoek, Namibia

i must say, i want to spend the rest of my life in South Africa if i can..
i love the lifestyle in Joburg. It is the place to work and have a close knit family life.
Durban is a place to raise your kids as education institutes are the best there.
Port E is gorgeous if you are a beach bum.
and Cape Town… Cape Town is where i want to retire and have my ashes rest for eternity.

sigh… Cape Town……
(still cant believe i was there and this picture came from my camera.. argh! i miss cape town!)

anyways, after a twist of fate, i found myself back in Malaysia
and in less then a month got invited to go to Bali, Indonesia.
i’ve never been too keen on Bali as its just too over-rated if you ask me..
but hey, at least i can say i’ve been there!
it was fun..
only because we stayed at club med and i got to do the trapeze! FUN FUN FUN!

faiz… can never thank him enough for the help and support he’s given me throughout the past year and a half
words just cannot describe how grateful i am to him
he’s been more than an amazing friend

amazing group of people..
faiz, amy and christy

after that, most the experiences were with the Myanmar kids

they are more than amazing.
these children give out so much love you’d think that their love is bottomless.
sue lynn and i bring food whenever we can
and we brought them to the zoo one saturday with the help of sanjeev and his rotaract friends who were more then helpful

my usual.. getting caught red handed… tsk tsk tsk

all the kids

the more than helpful and kind rotaractors!

these kids are refugees. some were sent here first by their parents or they came with their parents, some by foot some by boat.
but Malaysia’s funny this way, because Malaysia does not accept refugees so they are only allowed into the country on a temporary basis until UNHCR can find them a home somewhere else in the world.
i personally do not understand why there is this sort of a ruling because we definitely have the space and resources to help them out. so why not give them a fair chance as the rest of the Malaysians?
oh wait, its already bias anyways..

so on that note, we had to send Esther and Puiaa off to the States where their future is ten times more uncertain then a regular person’s.
however on the day that we had to send them off, i met with an accident..
it was raining cats and dogs and my car went out of control and it hit the divider straight on, drifted a little and then spun 4 to 5 times till i hit the brakes.
ten minutes after i left the scene, another car crashed at the exact same spot but they werent too lucky as there was a casualty.
so everyone, including the police officers told me that i am one hell of a lucky person to have walked out of the accident completely unscratched and alive as if i were in the car any longer or if i crashed a few minutes later, i would have died because this other car would have crashed into me head on and killed me instantly.
the officer told me to go home and pray and thank God that i’m alive.
i did.
the only thing i am not too happy about is the fact that i did not get a chance to hug Esther and Puiaa goodbye as i got there a tad too late so all i could do was throw my gifts down to them and wave a very teary goodbye with shaking hands

——————————————————————————————————————————-

this past year, i’ve realized who i am, who my friends are, and what i am truly passionate about and just how powerful a genuine decision can be
i absolutely adore my friends who’ve been there for me through thick and thin.. people whom i hold so dear they are like family to me
faiz, tl, choy, claude, andy + joyce, sue lynn, pat, eddy, piet, bhavesh, karl, alex, angie, may, lallu, linda, jiunn lee, dawn, heather, hazel, ray, rav, reza, jeevs, sharon, gabs, alvin, tl.

and of course, my family whom i was never really close to but am getting increasingly close

i had to make a few very tough decisions which still makes me tear till this day.
however, i had my reasons and whether or not they are understood, i stand by them even though at times i feel like giving up just because it is too hard.
but life goes on.

last year was a crazy year..
i fell in love with South Africa, i had a great African escape (private story), i got my heart broken and i broke some hearts,
i escaped death.
there must be a reason why i am alive.

so this year, my wish is pretty much still the same as last year’s.
only this time, i want more.
i want something more meaningful.
this year i want to show people what i see and feel how i felt and experience adventures through me.
i want to photograph in aid and to create awareness.
i want to help and meet and love as many orphans and refugees and mothers as i possibly can.
i want to see as many places in the world as i possibly can.
i want to live my life the way i want to and seize every single moment because life is just too short.
most importantly, i want to love.

so because my past year is testament to ‘wishes do come true’, i hope it could be the same for everyone as well.
this past year has certainly changed my life.
it has changed me. molded me.
made a firmer stance to who i am and who i want to be.

it has been nothing but adventures and new experiences and golden opportunities, coupled with amazing friends.
i’ve been truly blessed.

in August, i will be heading to Laos till the end of the year.
and that is only the beginning.
i will be doing exactly what i love.
so i urge you to live and do what you want to do and live life the way you want to.
it isnt easy, not many would understand you,
but i promise that it would be worth it.

just be extra careful what you wish for

happy birthday, me.

portrait of a Healer

according to Carl Jung, i’m an Idealist with a portrait of a Healer
which means i’m an INFP
idealist..
sounds like a justification of a dreamer!

regardless of whether people support Jung’s theories of personalities,
he’s help me realize certain things about myself that i’ve known but forgotten, subconsciously do yet unrealized and what i’ve been doing yet did not understand.

as per my previous post, i’ve extracted my personality traits from various sites.
Keirsey’s primarily as it was the most informative and simple.

Generally, i fall under the Idealist category and subdivided into one of four as a Healer

All Idealists (NFs)share the following core characteristics:

• Idealists are enthusiastic, they trust their intuition, yearn for romance, seek their true self, prize meaningful relationships, and dream of attaining wisdom.
• Idealists pride themselves on being loving, kindhearted, and authentic.
• Idealists tend to be giving, trusting, spiritual, and they are focused on personal journeys and human potentials.
• Idealists make intense mates, nurturing parents, and inspirational leaders.

Idealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. Idealists strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self — always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination. And they want to help others make the journey. Idealists are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potentials.

Idealists are sure that friendly cooperation is the best way for people to achieve their goals. Conflict and confrontation upset them because they seem to put up angry barriers between people. Idealists dream of creating harmonious, even caring personal relations, and they have a unique talent for helping people get along with each other and work together for the good of all. Such interpersonal harmony might be a romantic ideal, but then Idealists are incurable romantics who prefer to focus on what might be, rather than what is. The real, practical world is only a starting place for Idealists; they believe that life is filled with possibilities waiting to be realized, rich with meanings calling out to be understood. This idea of a mystical or spiritual dimension to life, the “not visible” or the “not yet” that can only be known through intuition or by a leap of faith, is far more important to Idealists than the world of material things.

Highly ethical in their actions, Idealists hold themselves to a strict standard of personal integrity. They must be true to themselves and to others, and they can be quite hard on themselves when they are dishonest, or when they are false or insincere. More often, however, Idealists are the very soul of kindness. Particularly in their personal relationships, Idealists are without question filled with love and good will. They believe in giving of themselves to help others; they cherish a few warm, sensitive friendships; they strive for a special rapport with their children; and in marriage they wish to find a “soulmate,” someone with whom they can bond emotionally and spiritually, sharing their deepest feelings and their complex inner worlds.

Idealists are relatively rare, making up no more than 15 to 20 percent of the population. But their ability to inspire people with their enthusiasm and their idealism has given them influence far beyond their numbers.

Healerspresent a calm and serene face to the world, and can seem shy, even distant around others. But inside they’re anything but serene, having a capacity for personal caring rarely found in the other types. Healers care deeply about the inner life of a few special persons, or about a favorite cause in the world at large. And their great passion is to heal the conflicts that trouble individuals, or that divide groups, and thus to bring wholeness, or health, to themselves, their loved ones, and their community.

Healers have a profound sense of idealism that comes from a strong personal sense of right and wrong. They conceive of the world as an ethical, honorable place, full of wondrous possibilities and potential goods. In fact, to understand Healers, we must understand that their deep commitment to the positive and the good is almost boundless and selfless, inspiring them to make extraordinary sacrifices for someone or something they believe in. Set off from the rest of humanity by their privacy and scarcity (around one percent of the population), Healers can feel even more isolated in the purity of their idealism.

Also, Healers might well feel a sense of separation because of their often misunderstood childhood. Healers live a fantasy-filled childhood-they are the prince or princess of fairy tales-an attitude which, sadly, is frowned upon, or even punished, by many parents. With parents who want them to get their head out of the clouds, Healers begin to believe they are bad to be so fanciful, so dreamy, and can come to see themselves as ugly ducklings. In truth, they are quite OK just as they are, only different from most others-swans reared in a family of ducks.

At work, Healers are adaptable, welcome new ideas and new information, are patient with complicated situations, but impatient with routine details. Healers are keenly aware of people and their feelings, and relate well with most others. Because of their deep-seated reserve, however, they can work quite happily alone. When making decisions, Healers follow their heart not their head, which means they can make errors of fact, but seldom of feeling. They have a natural interest in scholarly activities and demonstrate, like the other Idealists, a remarkable facility with language. They have a gift for interpreting stories, as well as for creating them, and thus often write in lyric, poetic fashion. Frequently they hear a call to go forth into the world and help others, a call they seem ready to answer, even if they must sacrifice their own comfort.

Naturally, me being inquisitive, i’ve done more research on this trait of mine
and this is what i found

Portrait of an INFP – Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving
(Introverted Feeling with Extraverted Intuition)

 

The Idealist

As an INFP, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system. Your secondary mode is external, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.

INFPs, more than other iNtuitive Feeling types, are focused on making the world a better place for people. Their primary goal is to find out their meaning in life. What is their purpose? How can they best serve humanity in their lives? They are idealists and perfectionists, who drive themselves hard in their quest for achieving the goals they have identified for themselves

INFPs are highly intuitive about people. They rely heavily on their intuitions to guide them, and use their discoveries to constantly search for value in life. They are on a continuous mission to find the truth and meaning underlying things. Every encounter and every piece of knowledge gained gets sifted through the INFP’s value system, and is evaluated to see if it has any potential to help the INFP define or refine their own path in life. The goal at the end of the path is always the same – the INFP is driven to help people and make the world a better place.

Generally thoughtful and considerate, INFPs are good listeners and put people at ease. Although they may be reserved in expressing emotion, they have a very deep well of caring and are genuinely interested in understanding people. This sincerity is sensed by others, making the INFP a valued friend and confidante. An INFP can be quite warm with people he or she knows well.

INFPs do not like conflict, and go to great lengths to avoid it. If they must face it, they will always approach it from the perspective of their feelings. In conflict situations, INFPs place little importance on who is right and who is wrong. They focus on the way that the conflict makes them feel, and indeed don’t really care whether or not they’re right. They don’t want to feel badly. This trait sometimes makes them appear irrational and illogical in conflict situations. On the other hand, INFPs make very good mediators, and are typically good at solving other people’s conflicts, because they intuitively understand people’s perspectives and feelings, and genuinely want to help them.

INFPs are flexible and laid-back, until one of their values is violated. In the face of their value system being threatened, INFPs can become aggressive defenders, fighting passionately for their cause. When an INFP has adopted a project or job which they’re interested in, it usually becomes a “cause” for them. Although they are not detail-oriented individuals, they will cover every possible detail with determination and vigor when working for their “cause”.

When it comes to the mundane details of life maintenance, INFPs are typically completely unaware of such things. They might go for long periods without noticing a stain on the carpet, but carefully and meticulously brush a speck of dust off of their project booklet.

INFPs do not like to deal with hard facts and logic. Their focus on their feelings and the Human Condition makes it difficult for them to deal with impersonal judgment. They don’t understand or believe in the validity of impersonal judgment, which makes them naturally rather ineffective at using it. Most INFPs will avoid impersonal analysis, although some have developed this ability and are able to be quite logical. Under stress, it’s not uncommon for INFPs to mis-use hard logic in the heat of anger, throwing out fact after (often inaccurate) fact in an emotional outburst.

INFPs have very high standards and are perfectionists. Consequently, they are usually hard on themselves, and don’t give themselves enough credit. INFPs may have problems working on a project in a group, because their standards are likely to be higher than other members’ of the group. In group situations, they may have a “control” problem. The INFP needs to work on balancing their high ideals with the requirements of every day living. Without resolving this conflict, they will never be happy with themselves, and they may become confused and paralyzed about what to do with their lives.

INFPs are usually talented writers. They may be awkard and uncomfortable with expressing themselves verbally, but have a wonderful ability to define and express what they’re feeling on paper. INFPs also appear frequently in social service professions, such as counselling or teaching. They are at their best in situations where they’re working towards the public good, and in which they don’t need to use hard logic.

INFPs who function in their well-developed sides can accomplish great and wonderful things, which they will rarely give themselves credit for. Some of the great, humanistic catalysts in the world have been INFPs.

Jungian functional preference ordering:

Dominant: Introverted Feeling
Auxiliary: Extraverted Intuition
Tertiary: Introverted Sensing
Inferior: Extraverted Thinking

Careers for INFP Personality Types

Whether you’re a young adult trying to find your place in the world, or a not-so-young adult trying to find out if you’re moving along the right path, it’s important to understand yourself and the personality traits which will impact your likeliness to succeed or fail at various careers. It’s equally important to understand what is really important to you. When armed with an understanding of your strengths and weaknesses, and an awareness of what you truly value, you are in an excellent position to pick a career which you will find rewarding.

INFPs generally have the following traits:

• Strong value systems
• Warmly interested in people
• Service-oriented, usually putting the needs of others above their own
• Loyal and devoted to people and causes
• Future-oriented
• Growth-oriented; always want to be growing in a positive direction
• Creative and inspirational
• Flexible and laid-back, unless a ruling principle is violated
• Sensitive and complex
• Dislike dealing with details and routine work
• Original and individualistic – “out of the mainstream”
• Excellent written communication skills
• Prefer to work alone, and may have problems working on teams
• Value deep and authentic relationships
• Want to be seen and appreciated for who they are

The INFP is a special, sensitive individual who needs a career which is more than a job. The INFP needs to feel that everything they do in their lives is in accordance with their strongly-felt value systems, and is moving them and/or others in a positive, growth-oriented direction. They are driven to do something meaningful and purposeful with their lives. The INFP will be happiest in careers which allow them to live their daily lives in accordance with their values, and which work towards the greater good of humanity. It’s worth mentioning that nearly all of the truly great writers in the world have been INFPs.

The following list of professions is built on our impressions of careers which would be especially suitable for an INFP. It is meant to be a starting place, rather than an exhaustive list. There are no guarantees that any or all of the careers listed here would be appropriate for you, or that your best career match is among those listed.

Possible Career Paths for the INFP:

• Writers
• Counselors / Social Workers
• Teachers / Professors
• Psychologists
• Psychiatrists
• Musicians
• Clergy / Religious Workers

So far every other site points me to the same career paths
writer
social worker / counselor
psychologist
musician

The most sensitive of the Idealists is the Healer (INFP). While their list of jobs may echo that of other Idealists, they are more drawn to express their own unique vision of the world than all other types, so their work cannot help but be unique. They interpret their visions in the world of music, art, entertainment, or dance. As a professor or teacher, counselor or social worker, they often unlock the mysteries of life for those they encounter. In business they are drawn to organizational development and human resources careers. They may have a religious calling or seek work as a librarian. Their careers need to be in alignment with their personal values. Says Kay, “I chose health education so I could touch the lives of others to help them make better choices about their lives. I know I’ve done some good.”

All Idealists seek to have a life of meaning, to help themselves and others grow to be the best that they can be. They do not want to be a copycat of someone else, but want to be seen as a unique and valuable individual.

not too bad i’d say

so how do i capitalize my intelligence style?

Healers (INFPs) have mediating diplomatic intelligence. Healers see all sides of issues and seek their own inner truth to create unique solutions to problems. Since they are hypersensitive to conflict, it is in their own best interest to seek solutions that others can accept.

of course at the same time i wondered whether the way i’ve handled things in the past has been royally stupid… and i found this

The Healer is the most sensitive of all the Idealists to a negative environment. They notice problems in a work group before anyone else. Divisions within a work group can cause fear of impending loss. Also violation of their values can trigger stress. When stressed, they are likely to act out of character and take on behaviors that are not normally associated with them. They can seem to others as if they are splintered. Sometimes they will blame themselves, other times they will lash out at others. They may act precipitously or not act at all. To get back to normal, they need a lot of space and need to have their feelings validated. It doesn’t help to tell them that they are imagining things. It is important that the negative environment be dealt with by others or that the Healer be allowed to move to a more positive environment. Says Heinrik, “I’m in health education. We have many programs to help people live healthier lives. An outsider began to influence our boss, saying that he was more successful and could do better. Our boss began to criticize all of us. Everyone started pulling away from each other. I found myself being nasty to others, which is very unusual for me. Luckily, our boss found out that this outsider was just good at getting and had moved from county to county and not accomplished much. I’m glad we’re back to being a team.”

okay, so thats how people of my type generally handle things.
i cant say i object but it does enlighten me on why i reacted the way i did in certain recent events

also, since i’m always looking for ways to improve myself, i found this
http://www.personalitypage.com/home.html

What does Success mean to an INFP?

INFPs are creative, sensitive souls who take their lives very seriously. They seek harmony and authenticity in their relationships with others. They value creativity, spirituality, and honoring the individual self above all else. They are very tuned into inequity and unfairness against people, and get great satisfaction from conquering such injustices. An INFP is a perfectionist who will rarely allow themselves to feel successful, although they will be keenly aware of failures. INFPs also get satisfaction from being in touch with their creativity. For the INFP, personal success depends upon the condition of their closest relationships, the development of their creative abilities, and the continual support of humanity by serving people in need, fighting against injustice, or in some other way working to make the world a better place to be.

Allowing Your INFP Strengths to Flourish

As an INFP, you have gifts that are specific to your personality type that aren’t natural strengths for other types. By recognizing your special gifts and encouraging their growth and development, you will more readily see your place in the world, and how you can better use your talents to achieve your dreams.

Nearly all INFPs will recognize the following characteristics in themselves. They should embrace and nourish these strengths:

• Highly creative, artistic and spiritual, they can produce wonderful works of art, music and literature. INFPs are natural artists. They will find great satisfaction if they encourage and develop their artistic abilities. That doesn’t mean that an INFP has to be a famous writer or painter in order to be content. Simply the act of “creating” will be a fulfilling source of renewal and refreshment to the INFP. An INFP should allow himself or herself some artistic outlet, because it will add enrichment and positive energy to their life.
• They’re more spiritually aware than most people, and are more in touch with their soul than others. Most INFPs have strong Faith. Those that don’t may feel as if they’re missing something important. An INFP should nourish their faith.
• INFPs are very aware of social injustice, and empathize with the underdog. Their empathy for the underdog and hyper-awareness of social injustice makes them extremely compassionate and nurturing towards disadvantaged members of our society. INFPs will feel most useful and fulfilled when they are fighting to help people who have been misfortunate in our society. They may be teachers, ministers, writers, counsellors or psychologists, but they will most likely all spend extra time trying to help people with special problems. An INFP can find a tremendous amount of satisfaction by enacting some kind of social change that will help the underdog.
• They’re usually good listeners who genuinely want to hear about someone’s problems, and genuinely want to help them. This makes them outstanding counsellors, and good friends. An INFP may find great satisfaction from volunteering as a counselor.
• They accept and value people as individuals, and are strongly egalitarian. They believe that an individual has the right to be themself, without having their attitudes and perspectives brought under scrutiny. Accordingly, they have a great deal of tolerance and acceptance dealing with people who might encounter negative judgment from society in general. They can see something positive in everyone. They believe in individuals. If they give themselves the opportunity, an INFP can become a much-needed source of self-esteem and confidence for people who cannot find it on their own. In this way, they can nurture a “sick soul” back to health.
• Usually deep and intelligent, they’re able to grasp difficult concepts with relative ease. They usually do quite well academically, and will find that educating their minds nourishes their need to think deeply.

INFPs who have developed their Extraverted iNtuition to the extent that they can perceive the world about them objectively and quickly will find that they enjoy these very special gifts:

• They will have a great deal of insight into people’s characters. They will quickly and thoroughly understand where a person is coming from by assessing their motives and feelings. These well-developed INFP individuals make outstanding psychologists (such as Isabel Briggs Myers herself) and counselors. They might also be great fiction writers, because they’re able to develop very complex, real characters.
• They will quickly understand different situations, and quickly grasp new concepts. They will find that they’re able to do anything that they put their mind to, although they may not find it personally satisfying. Things may seem to come easily to these INFPs. Although they’re able to conquer many different kinds of tasks and situations, these INFPs will be happiest doing something that seems truly important to them. Although they may find that they can achieve the “mainstream” type of success with relative ease, they are not likely to find happiness along that path, unless they are living their lives with authenticity and depth.
• The INFP who augments their strong, internal value system (Introverted Feeling) with a well-developed intuitive way of perceiving the world (Extraverted iNtuition) can be a powerful force for social change. Their intense values and strong empathy for the underprivileged, combined with a reliable and deeply insightful understanding of the world that we live in, creates an individual with the power to make a difference (such as Mother Teresa – an INFP).

Potential Problem Areas

With any gift of strength, there is an associated weakness. Without “bad”, there would be no “good”. Without “difficult”, there would be no “easy”. We value our strengths, but we often curse and ignore our weaknesses. To grow as a person and get what we want out of life, we must not only capitalize upon our strengths, but also face our weaknesses and deal with them. That means taking a hard look at our personality type’s potential problem areas.

INFPs are rare, intelligent, creative beings with many special gifts. I would like for the INFP to keep in mind some of the many positive things associated with being an INFP as they read some of this more negative material. Also remember that the weaknesses associated with being an INFP are natural to your type. Although it may be depressing to read about your type’s weaknesses, please remember that we offer this information to enact positive change. We want people to grow into their own potential, and to live happy and successful lives.

Most of the weaker characteristics that are found in INFPs are due to their dominant Feeling function overshadowing the rest of their personality. When the dominant function of Introverted Feeling overshadows everything else, the INFP can’t use Extraverted iNtuition to take in information in a truly objective fashion. In such cases, an INFP may show some or all of the following weaknesses in varying degrees:

• May be extremely sensitive to any kind of criticism
• May perceive criticism where none was intended
• May have skewed or unrealistic ideas about reality
• May be unable to acknowledge or hear anything that goes against their personal ideas and opinions
• May blame their problems on other people, seeing themselves as victims who are treated unfairly
• May have great anger, and show this anger with rash outpourings of bad temper
• May be unaware of appropriate social behavior
• May be oblivious to their personal appearance, or to appropriate dress
• May come across as eccentric, or perhaps even generally strange to others, without being aware of it
• May be unable to see or understand anyone else’s point of view
• May value their own opinions and feelings far above others
• May be unaware of how their behavior affects others
• May be oblivious to other people’s need
• May feel overwhelmed with tension and stress when someone expresses disagreement with the INFP, or disapproval of the INFP
• May develop strong judgments that are difficult to unseed against people who they perceive have been oppressive or suppressive to them
• Under great stress, may obsess about details that are unimportant to the big picture of things
• Under stress, may obsessively brood over a problem repeatedly
• May have unreasonable expectations of others
• May have difficulty maintaining close relationships, due to unreasonable expectations

Explanation of Problems

Nearly all of the problematic characteristics described above can be attributed in various degrees to the common INFP problem of only taking in data that justifies their personal opinions. INFPs are usually very intense and sensitive people, and feel seriously threatened by criticism. They are likely to treat any point of view other than their own as criticism of their own perspective. If the INFP does not learn how to deal with this perceived criticism, the INFP will begin to shut out the incoming information that causes them pain. This is a natural survivalistic technique for the INFP personality. The main driver to the INFP personality is Introverted Feeling, whose purpose is to maintain and honor an intensely personal system of values and morals. If an INFP’s personal value system is threatened by external influences, the INFP shuts out the threatening data in order to preserve and honor their value system. This is totally natural, and works well to protect the individual psyche from getting hurt. However, the INFP who exercises this type of self-protection regularly will become more and more unaware of other people’s perspectives, and thus more and more isolated from a real understanding of the world that they live in. They will always find justification for their own inappropriate behaviors, and will always find fault with the external world for problems that they have in their lives. It will be difficult for them to maintain close personal relationships because they will have unreasonable expectations, and will be unable to accept blame.

Its not an uncommon tendency for the INFP to look to the external world primarily for information that will support their ideas and values. However, if this tendency is given free reign, the resulting INFP personality is too self-centered to be happy or successful. Since the INFP’s dominant function to their personality is Introverted Feeling, they must balance this with an auxiliary Extraverted iNtuitive function. The INFP takes in information via Extraverted iNtuition. This is also the INFP’s primary way of dealing with the external world. If the INFP uses Extraverted iNtuition only to serve the purposes of Introverted Feeling, then the INFP is not using Extraversion effectively at all. As a result, the INFP does not take in enough information about the external world to have a good sense of what’s going on. They see nothing but their own perspective, and deal with the world only so far as they need to in order to support their perspective. These individuals usually come across as selfish and unrealistic. Depending on how serious the problem is, they may appear to be anything from “a bit eccentric” to “way out there”. Many times other people are unable to understand or relate to these people.

Solutions

To grow as an individual, the INFP needs to focus on opening their perspective to include a more accurate picture of what is really going on in the world. In order to be in a position in which the INFP is able to perceive and consider data that is foreign to their internal value system, the INFP needs to know that its value system is not threatened by the new information. The INFP must consciously tell himself/herself that an opinion that does not concede with their own is not an indictment of their entire character.

The INFP who is concerned with personal growth will pay close attention to their motivation for taking in information. Do they take in information to better understand a situation or concept? Or, do they take in information to support a personal idea or cause? At the moment when something is perceived, is the INFP concerned with twisting that perception to fit in with their personal values? Or is she/he concerned with absorbing the information objectively? To achieve a better understanding of the external world, the INFP should try to perceive information objectively, before fitting it into their value system. They should consciously be aware of their tendency to discard anything that doesn’t agree with their values, and work towards lessening this tendency. They should try to see situations from other people’s perspectives, without making personal judgments about the situations or the other people’s perspectives. In general, they should work on exercising their iNtuition in a truly Extraverted sense. In other words, they should use iNtuition to take in information about the world around them for the sake of understanding the world, rather than take in information to support their own conclusions. The INFP who successfully perceives things objectively may be quite a powerful force for positive change.

Living Happily in our World as an INFP

Some INFPs have difficulty fitting into our society. Their problems are often a result of an unawareness of appropriate social behavior, an unawareness of how they come across to others, or unrealistic expectations of others. Any one of these three issues stem from using Extraverted iNtuition in a diminished manner. An INFP who takes in information for the sake of understanding the world around them, rather than one who takes in information only to support their own ideas, will have a clearer, more objective understanding of how society values social behaviors and attitudes. He or she will also be more aware of how they are perceived by others, and will have more realistic expectations for others’ behavior within a relationship. Such well-adjusted INFPs will fit happily into our society.

Unless you really understand Psychological Type and the nuances of the various personality functions, it’s a difficult task to suddenly start to use iNtuition in an Extraverted direction. It’s difficult to even understand what that means, much less to incorporate that directive into your life. With that in mind, I am providing some specific suggestions that may help you to begin exercising your Extraverted iNtuition more fully:

• Take care to notice what people look like in different social situations. Look at their hair, their skin, their makeup (or lack thereof), their clothes, the condition of their clothes, their shoes, their facial expressions. Don’t compare others to your own appearance, or pass judgment on their appearance, simply take in the information.
• Think of a situation in your life in which you weren’t sure how to behave. Now try to understand how one or two other people would see the situation. Don’t compare their behavior to your own, i.e. “she would know better than me what to do”, or “why is it so easy for her, but so hard for me”. Rather, try to understand how they would see the situation. Would it be seen as a problem, or as an opportunity? Would it be taken seriously or lightly? Try to determine their point of view without passing judgment or comparing it to your own.
• When having a conversation with a friend or relative, dedicate at least half of your time to talking about the other person. Concentrate on really understanding where that person is coming from with their concerns. Ask questions.
• Think of the people who are closest to you. As you think of each person, tell yourself “this person has their own life going on, and they are more concerned with their own life than they are with mine.” Remember that this doesn’t mean that they don’t care about you. It’s the natural order of things. Try to visualize what that person is doing right now. What things are they encountering, what thoughts are they having? Don’t pass judgment, or compare their situation to your own.
• Try to identify the personality type of everyone that you come into contact with for any length of time.

Ten Rules to Live By to Achieve INFP Success

1. Feed Your Strengths! Encourage your natural artistic abilities and creativity. Nourish your spirituality. Give yourself opportunities to help the needy or underprivileged.
2. Face Your Weaknesses! Realize and accept that some traits are strengths and some are weaknesses. Facing and dealing with your weaknesses doesn’t mean that you have to change who you are, it means that you want to be the best You possible. By facing your weaknesses, you are honoring your true self, rather than attacking yourself.
3. Express Your Feelings. Don’t let unexpressed emotions build up inside of you. If you have strong feelings, sort them out and express them, Don’t let them build up inside you to the point where they become unmanageable!
4. Listen to Everything. Try not to dismiss anything immediately. Let everything soak in for awhile, then apply judgment.
5. Smile at Criticism. Remember that people will not always agree with you or understand you, even if they value you greatly. Try to see disagreement and criticism as an opportunity for growth. In fact, that is exactly what it is.
6. Be Aware of Others. Remember that there are 15 other personality types out there who see things differently than you see them. Try to identify other people’s types. Try to understand their perspectives.
7. Be Accountable for Yourself. Remember that YOU have more control over your life than any other person has.
8. Be Gentle in Your Expectations. You will always be disappointed with others if you expect too much of them. Being disappointed with another person is the best way to drive them away. Treat others with the same gentleness that you would like to be treated with.
9. Assume the Best. Don’t distress yourself by assuming the worst. Remember that a positive attitude often creates positive situations.
10. When in Doubt, Ask Questions! Don’t assume that the lack of feedback is the same thing as negative feedback. If you need feedback and don’t have any, ask for it.

then i found this site which has responses from people who are an INFP as well
its good to know there are other people like me seeing how David Keirsey and Carl Jung placed my type as rare and around 1% of the world’s population (thou that still means 67 million people! not so special after all)

http://www.theintrovertzcoach.com/famous_infps.html

quite an interesting read
you get insight into other people’s lives

another site states this in summary
plus its got links to a whole load of other sites with valuable insight into my apparently intrinsic personality

INFPs are introspective, private, creative and highly idealistic individuals that have a constant desire to be on a meaningful path. They are driven by their values and seek peace. Empathetic and compassionate, they want to help others and humanity as a whole. INFPs are imaginitive, artistic and often have a talent for language and writing. They can also be described as easygoing, selfless, guarded, adaptable, patient and loyal.

http://www.mypersonality.info/personality-types/infp/

and then i found a site with only descriptive words

http://similarminds.com/jung/infp.html

creative, smart, idealist, loner, attracted to sad things, disorganized, avoidant, can be overwhelmed by unpleasant feelings, prone to quitting, prone to feelings of loneliness, ambivalent of the rules, solitary, daydreams about people to maintain a sense of closeness, focus on fantasies, acts without planning, low self confidence, emotionally moody, can feel defective, prone to lateness, likes esoteric things, wounded at the core, feels shame, frequently losing things, prone to sadness, prone to dreaming about a rescuer, disorderly, observer, easily distracted,does not like crowds, can act without thinking, private, can feel uncomfortable around others, familiar with the darkside, hermit, more likely to support marijuana legalization, can sabotage self, likes the rain, sometimes can’t control fearful thoughts, prone to crying, prone to regret, attracted to the counter culture, can be submissive, prone to feeling discouraged, frequently second guesses self, not punctual, not always prepared, can feel victimized, prone to confusion, prone to irresponsibility, can be pessimistic

pretty accurate…

favoured careers

poet, painter, freelance artist, musician, writer, art therapist, teacher (art, music, drama), songwriter, art historian, library assistant, composer, work in the perfoming arts, art curator, playwrite, bookseller, cartoonist, video editor, photographer, philosopher, record store owner, digital artist, cinematographer, costume designer, film producer, philosophy professor, librarian, music therapist, enviromentalist, movie director, activist, bookstore owner, filmmaker

at least i’m on the right track as i know those things are what i want to do even before this test!
and somehow i can never run from being a teacher now can i?!

now comes disfavoured careers
and it made me laugh..
you’ll see why.. they’re in Bold

business professional, manager, executive, administrator, business owner, supervisor, office manager, business analyst, financial analyst, public relations manager, ceo, executive assistant, judge, event coordinator, lawyer, office worker

aint that what i’m doing and what i was doing?!
hahahahahahaha……
explains a lot!

after reading about mine, i started reading up on the other Idealist categories
i believe that every one of us jumps from category to category at different points in our lives but we never really escape from the general Idealist, Guardian, Rational and Artisan

stinkys is a Guardian (i knew it! i was right!)

so in my Idealist category there is the Healer, Champion, Teacher and Counselor
Claudia’s a Teacher
she’s a cousin of mine in terms of characteristics
which is great because then she has traits i dont and yet we share similar traits as well which explains why we get along so well!

however, of all the traits that i’ve experienced at least once, albeit short while, in my life
i’d say i want to be more like an INFJ

the Counselor

we’re very very similar.
only difference is that the INFJ’s are more organized and focused  and 1% more than the Healers in the world’s population
(healer’s are still the most rare! yay!)

and the reason why i want to be more like the INFJ’s is because all the people i admire and aspire to be are in that category!

Mother Teresa of Calcutta
Martin Luther King, Jr
Mohandas Gandhi
and most importantly, Mr Nelson Mandela

the INFJ’s or the Idealist with a Portrait of a Counselor’s traits are

Counselors have an exceptionally strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others, and find great personal fulfillment interacting with people, nurturing their personal development, guiding them to realize their human potential. Although they are happy working at jobs (such as writing) that require solitude and close attention, Counselors do quite well with individuals or groups of people, provided that the personal interactions are not superficial, and that they find some quiet, private time every now and then to recharge their batteries. Counselors are both kind and positive in their handling of others; they are great listeners and seem naturally interested in helping people with their personal problems. Not usually visible leaders, Counselors prefer to work intensely with those close to them, especially on a one-to-one basis, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes.

Counselors are scarce, little more than one percent of the population, and can be hard to get to know, since they tend not to share their innermost thoughts or their powerful emotional reactions except with their loved ones. They are highly private people, with an unusually rich, complicated inner life. Friends or colleagues who have known them for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that Counselors are flighty or scattered; they value their integrity a great deal, but they have mysterious, intricately woven personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.

Counselors tend to work effectively in organizations. They value staff harmony and make every effort to help an organization run smoothly and pleasantly. They understand and use human systems creatively, and are good at consulting and cooperating with others. As employees or employers, Counselors are concerned with people’s feelings and are able to act as a barometer of the feelings within the organization.

Blessed with vivid imaginations, Counselors are often seen as the most poetical of all the types, and in fact they use a lot of poetic imagery in their everyday language. Their great talent for language-both written and spoken-is usually directed toward communicating with people in a personalized way. Counselors are highly intuitive and can recognize another’s emotions or intentions – good or evil – even before that person is aware of them. Counselors themselves can seldom tell how they came to read others’ feelings so keenly. This extreme sensitivity to others could very well be the basis of the Counselor’s remarkable ability to experience a whole array of psychic phenomena.

from a different site

As an INFJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit with your personal value system.

INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.

INFJs place great importance on havings things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk.

INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get “feelings” about things and intuitively understand them. As an extreme example, some INFJs report experiences of a psychic nature, such as getting strong feelings about there being a problem with a loved one, and discovering later that they were in a car accident. This is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and scoff at, and the INFJ themself does not really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized. Consequently, most INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive.

But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people’s feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress.

Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubborness and tendency to ignore other people’s opinions. They believe that they’re right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves – there’s always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don’t often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don’t believe in compromising their ideals.

INFJ is a natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective. They make loving parents and usually have strong bonds with their offspring. They have high expectations of their children, and push them to be the best that they can be. This can sometimes manifest itself in the INFJ being hard-nosed and stubborn. But generally, children of an INFJ get devoted and sincere parental guidance, combined with deep caring.

In the workplace, the INFJ usually shows up in areas where they can be creative and somewhat independent. They have a natural affinity for art, and many excel in the sciences, where they make use of their intuition. INFJs can also be found in service-oriented professions. They are not good at dealing with minutia or very detailed tasks. The INFJ will either avoid such things, or else go to the other extreme and become enveloped in the details to the extent that they can no longer see the big picture. An INFJ who has gone the route of becoming meticulous about details may be highly critical of other individuals who are not.

The INFJ individual is gifted in ways that other types are not. Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.

Jungian functional preference ordering:

Dominant: Introverted Intuition
Auxilliary: Extraverted Feeling
Tertiary: Introverted Thinking
Inferior: Extraverted Sensing

well at least i’m not too far off!
I’ve already got similar weaknesses!

Most of the weaker characteristics that are found in INFJs are due to their dominant function (Introverted iNtuition) overtaking their personality to the point that the other forces in their personality exist merely to serve the purposes of Introverted iNtuition. In such cases, an INFJ may show some or all of the following weaknesses in varying degrees:

• May be unaware (and sometimes uncaring) of how they come across to others
• May quickly dismiss input from others without really considering it
• May apply their judgment more often towards others, rather than towards themselves
• With their ability to see an issue from many sides, they may always find others at fault for any problems in their lives
• May have unrealistic and/or unreasonable expectations of others
• May be intolerant of weaknesses in others
• May believe that they’re always right
• May be obsessive and passionate about details that may be unimportant to the big picture
• May be cuttingly derisive and sarcastic towards others
• May have an intense and quick temper
• May be tense, wound up, have high blood pressure and find it difficult to relax
• May hold grudges, and have difficulty forgiving people
• May be wishy-washy and unsure how to act in situations that require quick decision making
• May have difficulty communicating their thoughts and feelings to others
• May see so many tangents everywhere that they can’t stay focused on the bottom line or the big picture

no one is dead stamped into these personalities.
of course every personality differs from person to person.
not two persons are alike.
so regardless of what these tests may say,
and no matter how enlightening these tests may be,
they are only put here to help us figure ourselves out and understand large chunks of ourselves better.

and the beauty of the human mind and character is that we change and adapt to better suit our lifestyles

i, for one, want to start changing the negatives of my character!
i want, and will be the best that i can be so that i am able to reach out to more people and hopefully touch their lives and guide them to becoming a better version of themselves!

here’s to better understanding of ourselves!

my personality.. according to carl jung

took this test…
you should take it too..
its fairly accurate!

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

it says i’m a INFP
Introverted   67%
Intuitive   12%
Feeling   50%
Perceiving   33%

other people who are like me are
Princess Diana, Richard Gere, Audrey Hephurn, Michel de Montaigne, J.K. Rowling, Anton Chekhov, Albert Schweiter, George Orwell, Karen Armstrong, Aldous Huxley, Mia Farrow, and Isabel Meyers

Career directions
Counseling (yay!)
Religious Education
Education (yay!)
Humanities (double yay!)
Web Design
Musician (yay!)
Literature/Writer (oooh la la)
Archaeology (sweet..)
Psychology/Psychotherapist (yay!)

I am an Idealist Portrait of a Healer (INFP)

Healers present a calm and serene face to the world, and can seem shy, even distant around others. But inside they’re anything but serene, having a capacity for personal caring rarely found in the other types. Healers care deeply about the inner life of a few special persons, or about a favorite cause in the world at large. And their great passion is to heal the conflicts that trouble individuals, or that divide groups, and thus to bring wholeness, or health, to themselves, their loved ones, and their community.

Healers have a profound sense of idealism that comes from a strong personal sense of right and wrong. They conceive of the world as an ethical, honorable place, full of wondrous possibilities and potential goods. In fact, to understand Healers, we must understand that their deep commitment to the positive and the good is almost boundless and selfless, inspiring them to make extraordinary sacrifices for someone or something they believe in. Set off from the rest of humanity by their privacy and scarcity (around one percent of the population), Healers can feel even more isolated in the purity of their idealism.

Also, Healers might well feel a sense of separation because of their often misunderstood childhood. Healers live a fantasy-filled childhood-they are the prince or princess of fairy tales-an attitude which, sadly, is frowned upon, or even punished, by many parents. With parents who want them to get their head out of the clouds, Healers begin to believe they are bad to be so fanciful, so dreamy, and can come to see themselves as ugly ducklings. In truth, they are quite OK just as they are, only different from most others-swans reared in a family of ducks.

At work, Healers are adaptable, welcome new ideas and new information, are patient with complicated situations, but impatient with routine details. Healers are keenly aware of people and their feelings, and relate well with most others. Because of their deep-seated reserve, however, they can work quite happily alone. When making decisions, Healers follow their heart not their head, which means they can make errors of fact, but seldom of feeling. They have a natural interest in scholarly activities and demonstrate, like the other Idealists, a remarkable facility with language. They have a gift for interpreting stories, as well as for creating them, and thus often write in lyric, poetic fashion. Frequently they hear a call to go forth into the world and help others, a call they seem ready to answer, even if they must sacrifice their own comfort.

(taken from http://keirsey.com/handler.aspx?s=keirsey&f=fourtemps&tab=3&c=healer)

All Idealists (NFs) share the following core characteristics:

• Idealists are enthusiastic, they trust their intuition, yearn for romance, seek their true self, prize meaningful relationships, and dream of attaining wisdom.
• Idealists pride themselves on being loving, kindhearted, and authentic.
• Idealists tend to be giving, trusting, spiritual, and they are focused on personal journeys and human potentials.
• Idealists make intense mates, nurturing parents, and inspirational leaders.

Idealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. Idealists strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self — always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination. And they want to help others make the journey. Idealists are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potentials.

Idealists are sure that friendly cooperation is the best way for people to achieve their goals. Conflict and confrontation upset them because they seem to put up angry barriers between people. Idealists dream of creating harmonious, even caring personal relations, and they have a unique talent for helping people get along with each other and work together for the good of all. Such interpersonal harmony might be a romantic ideal, but then Idealists are incurable romantics who prefer to focus on what might be, rather than what is. The real, practical world is only a starting place for Idealists; they believe that life is filled with possibilities waiting to be realized, rich with meanings calling out to be understood. This idea of a mystical or spiritual dimension to life, the “not visible” or the “not yet” that can only be known through intuition or by a leap of faith, is far more important to Idealists than the world of material things.

Highly ethical in their actions, Idealists hold themselves to a strict standard of personal integrity. They must be true to themselves and to others, and they can be quite hard on themselves when they are dishonest, or when they are false or insincere. More often, however, Idealists are the very soul of kindness. Particularly in their personal relationships, Idealists are without question filled with love and good will. They believe in giving of themselves to help others; they cherish a few warm, sensitive friendships; they strive for a special rapport with their children; and in marriage they wish to find a “soulmate,” someone with whom they can bond emotionally and spiritually, sharing their deepest feelings and their complex inner worlds.

Idealists are relatively rare, making up no more than 15 to 20 percent of the population. But their ability to inspire people with their enthusiasm and their idealism has given them influence far beyond their numbers.

Princess Diana, Joan Baez, Albert Schweitzer, Bill Moyers, Eleanor Roosevelt, Mohandas Gandhi, Mikhael Gorbachev, and Oprah Winfrey are examples of Idealists.

http://keirsey.com/handler.aspx?s=keirsey&f=fourtemps&tab=3&c=healer

My risk attitude index on a scale of 0% – 100% (0 being the lowest)
I’m at 76% (moderately high!)

My risk type profile
Primary type – Inspired   45%
Secondary type – Adventurer 32%

Inspired
(psychological portrait)

Your need for the excitement of risk is an inexhaustible source of energy during a greater part of your life. This energy sometimes drives you to endeavors which may endanger your fortune and even your life. You are always obsessed by your idea and persist in advocating and spreading it no matter how it is accepted by society around you. Developing and putting into effect this idea produces in you a pleasurable state of mind and gives you a reason for living.

There are a relatively small number of such people in the world, but many of them are universally known because their conviction, faith and determination promulgated ideas that influenced history. Famous personages who are close to this type include the biblical Abraham, the apostle Paul, Mohammed, religious reformers and leaders like Martin Luther, John Calvin, Joan of Arc, explorers who changed the understanding of global geography like Columbus and Magellan, Galilei, Copernicus, philosopher-utopists like Thomas More, inventors like Fulton, social reformers like Emmeline Pankhurst and Mahatma Ghandi, and revolutionists like Robespierre and Lenin. There are also among them founders of various religious sects and of political movements.

This type of person may have ideas that are not necessarily earth-shaking or important to all of mankind, but they occupy him completely. These ideas may be of an invention, a scientific hypothesis or a special philosophically substantiated way of life or nutrition, such as Zen Buddhism or vegetarianism. Among this type are also found passionate collectors of paintings, books, stamps, etc., whose main goal is to obtain a rare painting, book or stamp.

The distinctive characteristic of such persons is their complete preoccupation with their idea; it becomes their purpose in life and they see their lives as the means to implement this idea or as the time period in which they can reach their goals. Their idea extremely important to them and without them they cannot imagine their lives.

Neither past nor present is actual for this type of person; he is pointed only towards the future, the time when his goal will be reached. Obstacles and dangers do not stop him; on the contrary, they stimulate his activity.

He treats people around him according to how these people see his ideas and goals: if these people share his goals he will treat them well; if they are indifferent or hostile to his ideas, he will be indifferent or hostile to them; and if they do not approve of them, or worse, are opposed to them, he will regard them as enemies and will hate them.

This type of person, if obsessed by social, political or religious ideas, sees all of mankind as the object of his concern, and he loves mankind as a whole more than individual people. He is ready to sacrifice individual people for the sake of a “common happiness” but not if those individuals are his faithful fellow-fighters. He is also ready to sacrifice himself for his idea. He does not spare either himself or others.

Such a person is egocentric in the sense that he considers himself the center of all events – but he is not egotistical. He does not have purely personal interests. Food for him is, for the most part, not a source of pleasure but only the means to satisfy his hunger. He is capable of enjoying his food but often has special tastes: food must be cooked in a special way, or served at a specific temperature, etc. He does not care for entertainment, except perhaps talking about subjects of interest to him. However, his interests often range beyond the limits of his main idea or obsession and his knowledge in different spheres is striking. He will have his own point of view on all subjects and it is almost always interesting to listen to what he has to say.

He is often surrounded by followers or disciples who are equally passionate about his ideas, but he has only one or two really close friends. He is indifferent to the opposite sex although he can experience a type of love towards one of his admirers, who becomes his main comrade-in-arms.

He is, to some extent, attached to his family, but he is authoritarian towards them and intolerant of the slightest neglect of their duty which is to serve the cause of the head of the family. He suffers major setbacks and even tragedies stoically, turning aside to immerse himself ever deeper in his cause.

WAYS OF PERSONAL GROWTH
Your strong points are purposefulness, will, courage, and resolution. The weak points of your personality are narrowness of the perception of life, emotional dryness (sometimes becoming hard-heartedness), intolerance, and a propensity to conflicts.

For you, the sense of life is in the struggle for the triumph of your idea or your business. Its achievement is your dream and goal. However, as you concentrate so narrowly only on them you do not notice the wider spectrum of the colors of life, miss many joys and, above all, impoverish yourself as a personality. You should discover and develop in yourself an interest and taste for the many diverse sides of life.

It is good for you to have a family. Although you are busy with your work, you should not distance yourself from them. Your family will fill your life and give your character the warmth that you probably lack . A sense of responsibility for your family will make your propensity toward risk-taking less dangerous.

Acquisition of new knowledge and skills come easily to you, but only within the narrow limits of things that relate to your idea or business. Try to widen these limits. As you are a creatively thinking person, try to apply this ability to spheres other than the one you are involved in. This will widen the circle of your creative interests and restrain you from becoming fanatic about one idea only. Try to discover and develop an interest in other sides of life – sports, art, handicrafts, any hobby, whatever your inclination or talent. Many famous people enjoyed skills in fields quite different from their main interests: Spinosa the philosopher learned how to grind lenses for eye glasses; Einstein played the violin; and Winston Churchill knew bricklaying.

Complete inactivity will exhaust your energy more than any effort. However, it will replenish itself during discussions and arguments with your opponents and of course when you achieve success and realize your ideas. But it is equally helpful to apply the hobbies and activities mentioned above which will also help you to overcome stress and frustration.

STRATEGY OF SUCCESSFUL BEHAVIOR
Before acting on any idea which you think is brilliant, or any initiative which you consider promising, ask yourself the following questions: first, is your idea really new? and, second, is it too far ahead of your time? Compare the value of the idea with the possible negative consequences which may arise as a result of its implementation. Equally, you must evaluate the means you require to carry it out. Weigh chances for success against probably failures. When the negative aspects outweigh the positive ones, find the wisdom and courage to reject your plans.

In starting up activities towards the realization of your initiative, provide yourself with a guaranteed material and legal base. Be careful not to break the legal and moral law during your activities. Consider seriously the form of promotion for your ideas. The wrong type of promotion will antagonize people who don’t share your outlook or ideas. Determine the group of population for whom your ideas can be interesting, and state these in terms that will be clear and convincing for them. Try to enlist a group of supporters and sympathizers.

It is very important for you to use the correct style of communication with those you want to bring to your way of thinking. A mistake here can become a serious obstacle towards the realization of your plans. Be careful to rein in your intolerance of those who are differently minded and those whom you do not like for any reason. You don’t have to see an enemy in everyone who doubts the rightness of your cause. Suppress your irritation, and avoid tactlessness and rudeness in communication with your employees and especially with your subordinates. Do not talk about your idea in every place and with everyone you meet – you may become a bore. Talk about it only when people wish to listen to you and, even better, when they impel you to speak.

Speak often to people with whom you are working, or whose cooperation you would like to enlist, on subjects which interest them. Take every opportunity to show personal interest in the people with whom you speak.

Adventurer
(psychological portrait)

People of this type are not made for quiet life. Due to their psychological characteristics, the society has always to reckon with their existence either defending itself from them or asking for their help or tolerating them and exploiting secondary results of their activity. Throughout history, people of this type occasionally staked all their property and even their life on luck. In ancient Rome, free citizens and even patricians, who felt a great need for risk, voluntarily became gladiators, and if they did not have enough opportunities to fight in the arena, they showed their discontent. This type also included medieval knights wandering in the Europe in search of tournaments, swashbucklers, condottieri and pirates. In more modern times this type can be found among revolutionaries, conspirators, terrorists, and drug smugglers. These are examples of extremely anti-social manifestations of the needs for risk. But thirst for risk can appear in socially acceptable forms. Mountain-climbers, slalomists, race-drivers, sailors who cross the oceans alone, tightrope-walkers, who walk the rope over waterfalls and precipices, as well as small-time gamblers who play in lotteries and slot machines- all these engage in risky activities which do not harm society. People with a pronounced thirst for danger and risk may be also useful to society which utilizes their characteristics in employing them in suitable occupations such as the police, the army where they serve as commandos or paratroopers, the fire department and even in the cinema as stuntmen. People of this type are usually physically strong, courageous, and have excellent control of their bodies. When they are young they eagerly take up, football, baseball, basketball and different types of hand-to-hand combat. They easily master mechanical skills and are good at driving cars. They usually drive at high speed and like to overtake other cars, sometimes creating dangerous situations. They are not especially bothered by moral problems, but those who are socialized keep to formal moral demands of society, especially to those of a group. These people can be subdivided into two groups according to their attitude to the group or to society. One kind gives priority to freedom from all social values and prefers to run risks alone. The other kind likes power and prefers to act in a group. They long for a leading position in the group and although they dislike it, will acknowledge the leadership of any stronger and more authoritative person. In communicating they are somewhat rough. However, there is an intrinsic sentimentality in them and they can be deeply moved by any soulful story or movie. They like to relax when they are not involved in their dangerous pursuits. Those who are asocial incline to alcohol and drugs. Socialized people of this type relax with peaceful activities such as fishing, gardening, caring for their pets, etc. As they grow older and have established families, they feel less attracted to risk; memories of their past adventures return to them and they indulge in reminiscences. They begin to feel the future, connecting it with the future of their children. Their love affairs (until they are married) are mostly fleeting and superficial, although sometimes they experience long and stable relationship. A vivid example of a person with expressed thirst for risk is Alexander of Macedon who led a dangerous life for what he thought was the goal of spreading of Hellenic civilization throughout the known world. In modern times a similar type was Che Guevara who was fought for his idea of social justice. In literature there was Don Quixote. The international spy, Mata Hari, notorious during the First World War, can be considered to be a woman of this type. WAYS OF PERSONAL GROWTH If you fit the above description, you must learn to recognize the real reason for your inclination for risky situations. Your goal should be to frame your behaviour in a socially useful way in order to succeed in life. The positive features of your personality are courage, bravery, resolution, a quick understanding of a situation. The negative features are impulsiveness, a disregard for danger and consequences of your deeds, and indifference and often lack of pity toward those who get in your way. Happiness for you is a life filled with emotion, anticipation of a speedy and complete success and the flush of victory that it brings, and the joy of overcoming obstacles. During the active stage of their live people in this category, pay little attention to their families. Later, when they are older and have established families, they become more involved with them, especially with their children. They wish to cultivate courage and decisiveness in them, yet want to keep them from the errors which they themselves made. Therefore they try to help their children to fit in well with their peers, to give them a good education and encourage them to learn a practical trade or profession. People of this type easily acquire knowledge and master skills in activities that they prefer but they should be aware that in subjects not related to their main interest, they are not so quick in picking up new knowledge. They should perfect themselves in their professions, but should also try to expand their range of skills. After risky and emotionally saturated actions, this type of person often experiences emotional depletion and the need to recharge his emotional energy. He can this best by involving himself in restful activities such as domestic duties, spending time with his family, relax entertainment which has no element of excitement in it (no games of chance) or simply doing nothing – complete idleness and emotional relaxation. These will all help to relieve feelings of stress and frustrations. STRATEGY OF SUCCESSFUL BEHAVIOR A person of this type makes decisions too quickly and impulsively. His attention is sharply focussed on one specific goal. He should try instead to see the whole situation. He must also consider the consequences of his actions and compare the degree of risk to the value and necessity of the goal. For him, correct communication with others is to persuade people of an idea, first having proven to them that it can be realized. There is also the moral aspect of persuasion: he must not expose those who believe in his idea to risks which the initiators of it are ready to accept for themselves. This means that he must not hide from his listeners the degree of risk and the possibility of failure. This type must be careful not to become euphoric, dreaming up impossible plans which are not connected to reality. Under unfavorable conditions, when this type meets with insurmountable obstacles he should not tackle them head-on, counting only on occasional luck. When starting a new job he should consider if it might be boring, or if it might not hold some desirable elements of risk or the probability of something unexpected. In business this type of person can work as a trouble shooter, sent by the manager of the enterprise to problematic places needing immediate solutions. His other possible role is to present initiatives. In this case he will work more efficiently in a team with a rational and pragmatic person, who has authority over him and whose advice he is ready to consider.

People like me

Risk Attitude Index and Profiles

Name	Risk Attitude Index %	Risk Type Profile
Political Leaders
B.Clinton	83 moderately high	Rational 48 Ponderous 44 Inspired 39
T.Blaire	76 moderately high	Rational 56 Inspired 44
V.Putin	76 moderately high	Rational 60 Ponderous 33
B.Yeltsin	91 high	Ponderous 48 Inspired 31 Adventurer 27
H.Kohl	62 moderate	Rational 62 Inspired 37
R.Reagan	78 moderately high	Rational 53 Ponderous 32 Inspired 27
M.Thatcher	74 moderate	Rational 54 Inspired 33 Ponderous 30
M.Gorbachev	63 moderate	Rational 48 Inspired 42
Mao Zedong	88 high	Inspired 75 Ponderous 33
R.Nixon	83 moderately high	Inspired 41 Rational 35 Energetic 29
J.Kennedy	82 moderately high	Rational 47 Energetic 35 Inspired 27
F.Roosevelt	69 moderate	Rational 54 Inspired 38
W.Churchill	78 moderately high	Rational 66 Inspired 58
J.Stalin	91 high	Ponderous 59 Inspired 51
A.Hitler	89 high	Inspired 62 Adventurer 35
V.Lenin	91 high	Inspired 87
Napoleon	98 high	Adventurer 60 Energetic 35 Inspired 35
Julius Caesar	97 high	Adventurer 50 Energetic 40 Ponderous 30
Nero	86 high	Adventurer 40
Entrepreneurs
B.Gates	75 moderately high	Rational 75 Inspired 35
Craig Venter founder of Celera Genomics	88 high	Inspired 32 Rational 40 Adventurer 30
Dennis Tito founder of Wilshire Assosiates first space tourist	81 moderately high	Rational 75 Adventurer 22 Inspired 26
A.Grove founder of Intel	78 moderately high	Rational 70 Inspired 32
E.Lauder	74 moderate	Rational 55 Inspired 30
J.Trippe founder and head of Pan Am	75 moderately high	Rational 56 Inspired 44
D.Sarnoff founder and CEO of RCA	80 moderately high	Rational 56 Inspired 44 Ponderous 32
Coco Chanel French designer	85 moderately high	Rational 42 Energetic 42
W.Disney	78 moderately high	Rational 53 Ponderous 47 Energetic 27
C.Merrill	81 moderately high	Rational 67 Inspired 47
H.Ford	87 high	Inspired 39 Ponderous 39 Rational 33
J.P.Morgan	80 moderately high	Rational 78 Ponderous 50
A.Nobel	70 moderate	Rational 70 Energetic 31
Actresses, Actors
G.Paltrow	56 moderate	Energetic 44 Rational 44
J.Roberts	48 moderate	Rational 60 Moralist 28 Toiler 28
C.Crawford	69 moderate	Energetic 57 Rational 34
Madonna	92 high	Energetic 59 Adventurer 35 Ponderous 26
R.Gere	77 moderately high	Rational 52 Inspired 30 Energetic 26
Al Pacino	75 moderately high	Adventurer 42 Moralist 25 Ponderous 30
J.Nicholson	80 moderately high	Rational 61 Ponderous 39
E.Taylor	95 high	Adventurer 50 Energetic 50
P.Newman	87 high	Energetic 72 Adventurer 38
M.Brando	85 moderately high	Energetic 67 Adventurer 33
F.Sinatra	86 high	Energetic 61 Ponderous 33 Rational 27
A.Gardner	91 high	Energetic 70 Adventurer 30
V.Leigh	57 moderate	Energetic 56 Rational 33
M.Monro	75 moderately high	Energetic 70 Adventurer 39 Moralist 27
Scientists, Writers, Painters
Gertrude B. Elion Nobel Laureate in Medicine	48 moderately low	Rational 59 Moralist 24 Inspired 24
E.Hemingway	84 moderately high	Energetic 60 Adventurer 45
A.Einstein	35 moderately low	Rational 44 Moralist 43 Inspired 27
N.Bohr	33 low	Rational 53 Moralist 29 Toiler 29
T.Edison	80 moderately high	Rational 70 Inspired 35
S.Freud	73 moderate	Inspired 50 Ponderous 29 Rational 27
K.Marx	70 moderate	Inspired 55 Moralist 30
L.Tolstoy	32 low	Moralist 47 Inspired 35
V.Van Gogh	28 low	Moralist 70 Energetic 39
Lewis Carrol	23 low	Moralist 50 Toiler 28
Gregor Mendel	2 low	Moralist 70 Toiler 27
Benjamin Franklin	45 moderately low	Rational 42 Inspired 38 Moralist 35
Michelangelo	54 moderate	Energetic 39 Rational 30 Toiler 30
Leonardo da Vinci	45 moderately low	Rational 42 Toiler 32 Moralist 26
Marcus Tullius Cicero	40 moderately low	Moralist 40 Rational 38
Socrates	56 moderate	Inspired 53 Moralist 25

http://www.humanmetrics.com/rot/riskguide.htm

i was in love with a guardian
but i failed to see and understand him
it is my greatest mistake

Idealists and Guardians often make good pairs. Idealists can appreciate the Guardians’ practicality and ability to deal with day-to-day matters that may interrupt the Idealists’ dreams for the future. Guardians may appreciate the Idealists’ sensitivity for others and their deep interest in their partner’s success. Guardians are the most traditional partners – they’ll remember birthdays, anniversaries, and other special occasions that are important to you, but their “traditional” behavior may seem at times to you like stubbornness and inflexibility. If your partner is a Guardian:

• Be sensitive to their need to plan ahead, schedule themselves, and be on time. Time can be secondary to you behind attending to relationships, but if you told your Guardian partner you’d be somewhere at a specific time, it is important to them that you meet that commitment.
• Gifts are meaningful to your Guardian partner, but the amount of money spent is very important. It needs to be enough to show that they are valued highly but not so much that they feel resources are being wasted.
• To make a special or romantic occasion, plan things out in advance, taking care of all the details. Don’t try to surprise your partner – let them know the plans in advance. Knowing that everything is already taken care of, they can relax and enjoy your time together.

what are you?

a funny thing called LOVE

been noticing my parents’ behaviors recently,
they are so made for each other
*roles eyes*
although one speaks english, the other mandarin, they converse in cantonese.
their silly banter is annoyingly hilarious.
also, with my mom’s occational perv-ed humour, it still makes my dad laugh.
his old habits and silliness not only frustrates my mom but still makes her laugh.
i really wonder what it takes to achieve that in this modern world.

sadly, friendships, relationships and marriages rarely lasts in this day and time
people constantly hustle for bigger and better things (no i dont mean boobs and macs)
rarely do people treasure the simple things that makes all the difference

honestly, i do not think that it takes much to maintain a relationship (regardless of whether its platonic or romantic)
sometimes a simple ‘hello’ or a text saying ‘i love you’ makes the relationship.
of course i’m guilty of always forgetting.
i always forget.
but i guess at the end of the day, when push comes to shove, its the little things that a person does that makes it all worth while.

every year when december rolls around, i get all mushy and sentimental.
this is the peak of the mushimental state, i’ll admit.
its when i start thinking of what i’ve done to make my relationships matter and what my friends have done that made me feel loved.

i’ve been pretty cold with that harden heart of mine and things need to change.
i’m sorry if i’ve not made you feel loved.
i promise i will change.

so on the eve of the pure and unconditional love day,
i love you.
you’ve not only made an impact in my life, you’ve made me want to change for the better and live for tomorrow.
thank you for being my friend regardless of my insecurities and silliness.

have a loving christmas.

This post is dedicated to:
alex martin, claudia sibert, patricia tan, choy wan, may wan, jiunn lee, faiz sakri, dawn ling, ping may, lalitha, linda andago, pamela vanetha, jolene chin, pietro felix, angie ng, ann jee, pek ann, dr. lim, bhavesh kumar, eddy lim, felicia stanislaus, jocelyn tan, karl ng, will chua, ravinderjit singh, satwindar gill, nisha devina, reza salleh, teng leang, usamah, vivienne lee, wai yee, andy kho, mr. lee yh and my family.

a slow changing nation

i wish i was in chicago watching newly elected Sen. Barack Obama give his victory speech.
i wish i could stand in the crowd along with hundreds of thousands of people screaming “YES WE CAN!”

it was truely a moment in history.

for me, personally, it shows the world that the states is ready, or rather, desperate, for change
especially when there’s the economic death in foresight

i think he’s a smart and sincere leader (from what i see)
even thought i dont agree with everything
but he’s the best man for the job

here’s a transcript of his speech..
took it off CNN

Hello, Chicago.

If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.

It’s the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen, by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different, that their voices could be that difference.

It’s the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled. Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been just a collection of individuals or a collection of red states and blue states.

We are, and always will be, the United States of America.

It’s the answer that led those who’ve been told for so long by so many to be cynical and fearful and doubtful about what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day.

It’s been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this date in this election at this defining moment change has come to America.

A little bit earlier this evening, I received an extraordinarily gracious call from Sen. McCain.

Sen. McCain fought long and hard in this campaign. And he’s fought even longer and harder for the country that he loves. He has endured sacrifices for America that most of us cannot begin to imagine. We are better off for the service rendered by this brave and selfless leader.

I congratulate him; I congratulate Gov. Palin for all that they’ve achieved. And I look forward to working with them to renew this nation’s promise in the months ahead.

I want to thank my partner in this journey, a man who campaigned from his heart, and spoke for the men and women he grew up with on the streets of Scranton and rode with on the train home to Delaware, the vice president-elect of the United States, Joe Biden.

And I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last 16 years the rock of our family, the love of my life, the nation’s next first lady Michelle Obama.

Sasha and Malia I love you both more than you can imagine. And you have earned the new puppy that’s coming with us to the new White House.

And while she’s no longer with us, I know my grandmother’s watching, along with the family that made me who I am. I miss them tonight. I know that my debt to them is beyond measure.

To my sister Maya, my sister Alma, all my other brothers and sisters, thank you so much for all the support that you’ve given me. I am grateful to them.

And to my campaign manager, David Plouffe, the unsung hero of this campaign, who built the best — the best political campaign, I think, in the history of the United States of America.

To my chief strategist David Axelrod who’s been a partner with me every step of the way.

To the best campaign team ever assembled in the history of politics you made this happen, and I am forever grateful for what you’ve sacrificed to get it done.

But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to. It belongs to you. It belongs to you.

I was never the likeliest candidate for this office. We didn’t start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington. It began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston. It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give $5 and $10 and $20 to the cause.

It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of their generation’s apathy who left their homes and their families for jobs that offered little pay and less sleep.

It drew strength from the not-so-young people who braved the bitter cold and scorching heat to knock on doors of perfect strangers, and from the millions of Americans who volunteered and organized and proved that more than two centuries later a government of the people, by the people, and for the people has not perished from the Earth.

This is your victory.

And I know you didn’t do this just to win an election. And I know you didn’t do it for me.

You did it because you understand the enormity of the task that lies ahead. For even as we celebrate tonight, we know the challenges that tomorrow will bring are the greatest of our lifetime — two wars, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a century.

Even as we stand here tonight, we know there are brave Americans waking up in the deserts of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan to risk their lives for us.

There are mothers and fathers who will lie awake after the children fall asleep and wonder how they’ll make the mortgage or pay their doctors’ bills or save enough for their child’s college education.

There’s new energy to harness, new jobs to be created, new schools to build, and threats to meet, alliances to repair.

The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even in one term. But, America, I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there.

I promise you, we as a people will get there.

There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won’t agree with every decision or policy I make as president. And we know the government can’t solve every problem.

But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree. And, above all, I will ask you to join in the work of remaking this nation, the only way it’s been done in America for 221 years — block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand.

What began 21 months ago in the depths of winter cannot end on this autumn night.

This victory alone is not the change we seek. It is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were.

It can’t happen without you, without a new spirit of service, a new spirit of sacrifice.

So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism, of responsibility, where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves but each other.

Let us remember that, if this financial crisis taught us anything, it’s that we cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers.

In this country, we rise or fall as one nation, as one people. Let’s resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long.

Let’s remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House, a party founded on the values of self-reliance and individual liberty and national unity.

Those are values that we all share. And while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress.

As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, we are not enemies but friends. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection.

And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn, I may not have won your vote tonight, but I hear your voices. I need your help. And I will be your president, too.

And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces, to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of the world, our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand.

To those — to those who would tear the world down: We will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security: We support you. And to all those who have wondered if America’s beacon still burns as bright: Tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity and unyielding hope.

That’s the true genius of America: that America can change. Our union can be perfected. What we’ve already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.

This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that’s on my mind tonight’s about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta. She’s a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing: Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.

She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn’t vote for two reasons — because she was a woman and because of the color of her skin.

And tonight, I think about all that she’s seen throughout her century in America — the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we can’t, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can.

At a time when women’s voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes we can.

When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs, a new sense of common purpose. Yes we can.

When the bombs fell on our harbor and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes we can.

She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that “We Shall Overcome.” Yes we can.

A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination.

And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change.

Yes we can.

America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves — if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment.

This is our time, to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth, that, out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope. And where we are met with cynicism and doubts and those who tell us that we can’t, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people: Yes, we can.
Thank you. God bless you. And may God bless the United States of America.

how inspiring

YES WE CAN!

cambodia through my eyes..

some of you may or may not know that i’m in love with photography..

and its true that everywhere u turn these days,
there’s a ‘photographer’ here or there..
its like how the TMC, Bangsar birds like to shit everywhere and will definitely kena your car whether u like it or not…

anyhow, i’m not so much bothered about that
and its not like the cameras are getting any cheaper..
ppl must be getting richer

whatever, i’ll let my photos speak for themselves..

mind you that this is the FIRST time i’m using a DSLR
and its not even mine..
(here i’d like to thank WILL CHUA for being SO SUPER KIND to me… i really really appreciate it)

this picture makes my heart stop everytime i see it..
its the love i reckon…
the love

there’s always beauty everywhere u look or go or in whatever you do
its the matter of whether u choose to stop long enough to appreciate the simplest things in life

and a smile to brighten up your day

all the roads that leads us there are winding..
so happy with so little..

the longing for a better life
one that does not include being on the lake for the better part of available daylight

the throngs of people having a quiet family picnic on the lake..
and i mean, literally ON the lake.. haha

the grass is always greener on the other side…

to work, to sift, to gather…

to wonder about a life never lived

he looks a little weird to me..
his body shape i mean..
but he’s got the look of a man who has gone through a tough life..
and he’s not that old either..
priviledged men his age still have baby skin compared to him

a means to an end
thats what happens to innocent war victims!

u get to rent these boats by the hour and they’ll take u upstream..
a very calming experience
one for reflecting and setting yourself straight
or to just be thankful and grateful for the simplest things

an elf-ish grin under the hot cambodian sun
(i use to look a little like him when i was younger… hahaha)

one of my absolute favorite picture..
he was being carried around by his mom while she bags for money

a son who’s future is forever lost honoring and loving his dad

abandoned the minute he was born,
she’s the only mother he has ever known,
never wonders far,
never trying anything new,
for fear to be abandoned, again.

two cheeky yet loving 4 year olds..
they are damn tiny for a 4 year old!

cheeky little kid..

“damnit… why are u staring at me?!”

she was little,
she was sleepy,
she was scared

the lonely

okay thats all the pictures i’m gonna post now..
i’m going nuts staring at the screen the whole day!!

oh btw, i was ironing a shirt again today..
it was nice to me

the Young Visionaries

received an email from Weng Fai the other day and he was telling me about their cause and it’s dedication to helping orphans, raising awareness, getting funding for homes and etc.
and honestly, when i was reading the email, i had this warm feeling that i find hard to put into words.
for me, being involved with the orphanage and stuff, i’m beginning to see and meet more and more people who are generous with their time and energy when it comes to fighting for a cause that is close to their hearts.
this only goes to show, in even plainer sight, that the universe has a balance
that for every man who is ignorant, there is another who is compassionate, passionate and free-willing.

i really respect people, especially youths, who are willing to give up their time and energy into fighting for a better tomorrow.
it doesnt have to be something big.
it doesnt have to be something expensive.
its the time and effort that counts.
the kids do not see the money.
they barely even feel it’s presence.
what they need and feel is our time, our patience, and our guidance.

of course funds are necessary to get by.
but our presense in their lives are the things that would make a difference.
little things like spending an afternoon playing with them, or giving them tuition, or just listening to them.
thats what matters.
because the kids mirror us.
we’re somehow or rather their role models.

well, enough about my thoughts cos it’ll go on and on for hours.

below are the details to the Young Visionaries.

Young Visionaries is a continuity of a project born in year 2003 which focuses on bringing better changes to the less fortunate children in orphanages and shelters within the Klang Valley. It consists of three main components:1) To bring in foreign interns to work for the orphanages/shelters for 2 months through our wide AIESEC database.2) To organise weekly activities with the children from the 3 orphanages/shelters adopted by our initiative.3) To assist the orphanages/shelters in their fund raising activities.

AIESEC, on the other hand, is actually a global, not-for-profit organization run by students and recent graduates which provides a platform for young people to develop their potential in the hopes of producing a positive impact on society, and Young Visionaries is a project initiated by AIESEC in Universiti Malaya.
True to the cause of our initiative we are working hard on spreading awareness about our initiative and also about the plight of underprivileged children in general. In addition to that we hope to get interested volunteers to assist us should we need them in upcoming fund raising activities organised by the orphanages/shelters. Thus, I would like to ask if you will be interested to help promote our initiative through your website. Given the large number of visitors to your website we hope that our aims can be achieved. If you’re interested to know more about our initiative and also about what we do in general you can visit us at http://youngvisionaries.wordpress.com.
If you have any queries regarding our initiative or AIESEC in general, please feel free to ask me anytime.
Thank you for your attention, and I hope to hear from you soon.
–
“Dream it, Live it”

if u’ve got any questions or u’re interested in their cause,
just contact Weng Fai at
E-mail 1 : wwf_wong@hotmail.com
E-mail 2 : kwwf@yahoo.com
Website : http://www.aiesec.org/malaysia/um
Fax No : + 6 03 – 79673472 ‘ Attn AIESEC ‘

half an hour out of a day of a week aint such a huge deal.