the crazies

“here’s to the crazy ones. the misfits. the rebels. the trouble-makers. the round pegs in the square holes. the ones who see things differently. they’re not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status quo. you can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. but the only thing you cant do is ignore them. because they change things. they push the human race forward. and while some may see them as the crazy ones, i see genius. because the people who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

taken from pipinero.tumblr.com

Malaysian first

often in my travels when i meet people, they’d ask me where i’m from
i’d say Malaysia.
I am Malaysian.

some will look at me oddly and say, “.. but you look chinese!”.
i’d then patiently explain that there are a few different cultures and ethnicity residing in Malaysia and have been for years, and yes, even though our forefathers were from China or India or of the Malay Archipelago, we’re all regarded as ‘Malaysian’.
granted not many people can grasp that concept but hey, thats why we’re unique!

so anyways, it actually just occurred to me that i’ve never told people “I’m chinese” anywhere else except in Malaysia!
it seems like somehow my country men are obsessed with what i am just because i look like i can be Malay, Thai, Indon, Cambodian, Lao.. you get the drift..

so this begs the question, why are Malaysians so obsessed with their race?
do they really feel a need to validate their existence through the acknowledgement of their race?
first of all, our leaders can’t even answer the question “Are you first Malaysian? or first Malay.”
some even said the latter first.
its quite embarrassing when they’re trying to preach 1Malaysia when they are not even living it.
that and the need to include ‘race’ and ‘religion’ in our identification card and in forms.

i suppose it stems from insecurities.

if there really is interest in creating a truly unified and harmonious nation, eliminate all need to categorize your citizens into pigeon holes.
the fault of unity failing at every level comes from our leaders.
if they can’t even be brave enough to eliminate the importance of racial categorizing, what more their people.
traits like these seep down through the cracks and into all crevices whether you dare and/or choose to acknowledge it or not

so ask yourself, are you Malaysian? or a race?

was ready to give up

a few days ago as i was walking along the streets of Bangkok, i felt like i was ready to give up
i felt like i was ready to just go back, admit defeat, and attempt to be like everyone else
but then, out of nowhere, it occurred to me that all the great people in this world felt like giving up at one or more times in their journey to achieve their goal
but because they did not give up, they are where they are now

of course i felt an immediate sense of relief and tried holding on to the seemingly fleeting moment of clarity

yesterday on my visa run out of thailand, there was a well aged man sitting opposite me in the train and i felt bad for taking up his leg space because if i was not there, he’d be able to sit with his leg up on my seat
so after a few stops at about 5+pm, he bought dinner along the way, so did i
i finished my dinner first before him but thought to just wait for him to finish so i can throw his food container along with mine so he wont have to get up
so after he finished, i just tapped him on his shoulder and indicated to him that i’ll throw his boxes for him
he was in shock
he looked at me weird as though i stole his brain or something

by about 6:30pm, i was dozing off hugging my legs on the seat and he tried to catch my attention, and then proceeded to tell the train supervisor to turn my seat into a bed so i could sleep, and then he moved off somewhere else
see, these bunk beds dont get made till almost 8pm or past unless you’ve got a baby or child onboard
so this man gave up his seat so i could get my bed first because he saw that i was falling asleep
touching story number 1

after arriving at Butterworth, i made my way to the ticketing counter to buy my return ticket
and realized i was short of RM1
i was frustrated and flustered because the nearest ATM was across the street somewhere
but a man beside me asked me how much i was short and proceeded to giving me RM1!
as i was getting my ticket, a chinese couple came up beside me and started asking me in mandarin to help them get train tickets to KL
they told me that they have not been to school before so they did not know how to speak malay or read for that matter
they looked tired, lost, worn out and so kesian…!
so i tried to help them buy their tickets but the guys behind me were getting really impatient so the lady behind the counter told me that they had to go to the back of the super long line and wait their turn
so i told the lady what they needed, and she acknowledged that she knew, but just to be sure, i took out my notebook, tore a page out and wrote down in BM “dua orang, malam ini, train pergi ke KL Sentral” (translation: 2 persons, tonight, train to KL Central) and passed it to them
they thanked me over and over and over with so much gratefulness in their voices it was heartbreaking
if i had the money i’d even buy them their ticket, seriously.. but i didnt have enough
but i did realize how important it is to have basic education

anyways, after that i got to chatting with a chinese guy who works in thailand and is on a visa run as well
he asked me what i was up to and i explained roughly
then he surprised me by saying
“dont give up. we each have our own lives to live, our own paths to walk. so since you’ve already chosen this path, just stick to it, and one day you’ll succeed.”
i was blown away
i didnt think that i sounded or looked like i’m about to give up
neither did i indicate to him anything remotely close to that
but here is an absolutely random person giving me the advice i needed to hear straightforwardly and unabashedly.
not only that, he later paid the cab driver my cab fare and told me not to worry about it!
i’m so grateful. so grateful!
(lets not think negatively, can?)
touching story number 2 

things to be grateful for?
kindness and generosity 

so first a voice in my head, the next a totally random guy?
i think its a sign

is it really a quarter?

25

thats the age women dread because they are told that everything starts to go downhill and unsightly orange peals render us to hide away our shorts to be replaced by longer pants and skirts
some girls resort to buying younger looking clothes and accessories just to look and hopefully feel younger
personally, i’m wondering whether my style’s appropriate for my age because i dont want to start looking like i’m trying to dress like i’m holding on to my teens

whats more important though, is how we feel inside, right?
well, when i’m reminded that i’m turning 25, i cringe with shock as the idea that i’m entering the late twenties is so foreign it feels like songkran in Thailand where they throw ice filled water on you on a hot hot day
yet on the other hand, i’ve always felt like an old old soul.. jaded is an understatement
most of the time i feel like i’m 35 going on 40
its so contradictory i know
i suppose its because i’ve always been the youngest wherever i go

the sudden realization that i’m 25 also somehow brings reality rushing forward to hit me in the face like its spring has just been let go after being over-stretched

all of a sudden i’m wondering what i’ve achieved so far
i’ve lived 25 years of my life and i still feel like a failure for not achieving more
and what if i live another 25 years and not do enough to make a difference in this world?

should i continue being a wallpaper? or should i try to step out into the rushing traffic?

when i was 15-24, adulthood seem so impossibly far away as though it wasnt achievable to live to feel the rush of adulthood and the rest of my life
and now all of a sudden i’m here, i’m at the start of the rest of my life, i’m at the doorway and whether i like it or not i’ll have to turn the door knob and take that first step through
it is as though my legs are moving on a treadmill with a mind of its own

life? really?

i’ve lost a lot of friends along the way, gained some, missed some
i’ve been stabbed in the back, loved as a whole
lost in time and space, at exactly where i was suppose to be

there have been experiences which, at the time made me wish they had never happened to me
yet i’m grateful they did after a few dusty roads ahead
and when i stop to look back, the journey didnt seem as tough as i first thought it was, i’d even smile, tip my hat and walk on all the time feeling as though the angels were smiling back at me as i take the next step into the unknown
sometimes things visualize in front of me as my foot touches the ground, yet other times all i see is the bleak darkness of uncertainty

honestly i cant say i’ve made a lot of right decisions this past year
hell, i’ve made some terrible decisions this past year
i’ve got to admit though, that i’m still working at getting past forgiving myself

so this coming year will be a year of observation

with almost everyone i know settling down, getting engaged, getting married, having kids, losing people they love,
it stops my heart
all of a sudden, i realize that there is so much more to life
there are so many things that i’ve not done
so much that i can do
with so little time

for the first time in my life, i truly understand what it feels like to want to be free
thoughts about getting married makes my heart trip, stumble and roll down a hill
all my life i’ve wanted to get married, have kids, have a nice family living a simple life somewhere
but in the past 2 years leading up to this day, the clarity of a world of experience and possibilities shines brighter from the tireless wipes to clear the dust in my soul’s eyes
it isnt that i dont want to get married
but i realized, i’m just not ready for that at this stage of my life
and as much as i love kids and wish i have kids, this is not the time

sometimes i wish i was more normal
you know, regular
so at least i’d feel like i fit in more
but then, why should i fit in, right?

screw the norm, i should be unprecedented

that sounded so much easier said in my head than done

this coming year, i’ve got goals which i will not mention
i also have goals i’ve yet to realize

last year i wished to travel more..
this year i’ll be more specific
i want to travel to more countries
photograph more causes
champion my own cause

i would also like to thank my loved ones, my true friends
without you guys, my life will not be
you’ve given me so much, yet all i’ve done is hide for the best part of the year
please forgive me, and give me some time
i’ll try to get back on my feet even though i’m still being dragged on my behind

that said,
happy birthday Mr Nelson Mandela
i hope to be more like you
wish i’ll get the opportunity to photograph and meet you one day soon
hugs

oh… and happy 25th birthday to the clumsy, forgetful, weird me

oh so new a year

gaah! its the new year again!! how did this happen? WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?!

ok i should stop being so drama lol! it does seem all so sudden and waaaay too fast though..

well, a whole load of people always say “oh if your year started out bad, it’ll end bad” or for the optimistic “ahh your year started out bad so it’ll end super great!”..

you’re ALL wrong.

our years each start out uniquely fashioned to our choices through out the year prior. i know i myself gripe about how my year always starts out bad and ends bad. but that’s just me being drama and wanting some love although sometimes it does start out less ideal than i would have hoped for. and even then, even when it isnt as ideal as anyone would have hoped for, we can still make the conscious decision to make it good.

i just had a thought on Christmas eve, in the bathroom, where i always get my ideas.
it occurred to me that our bad years, all our downs, are suppose to be good and we should celebrate more that our year had more bads than goods because it is in and through those bad moments that we learn and mold and change. isnt that something to be celebrated? i suppose we as humans sometimes over look that and its always easier said than done.

i have to admit that i myself at times forget that all the trials and tribulations i’m in is cause for gratefulness. i do tend to see the bad in things before knocking sense into myself that it is actually good for me.

so, if your year end isnt turning out to be what you’ve hoped for, i’d say, take a moment to calm your thoughts and heart. a quiet new year isnt a bad thing. besides, there are millions upon millions of people and children out there having a worser time than us yet being more happy and grateful. thats embarrassing.
if you’re a wine person (or whatever your vice is), get yourself a glass of wine and a nice movie or music cd, snuggle into your couch, and have yourself a simple, quiet new year because you sure do need all your strength and energy for the coming year ahead!

i am personally looking forward to the new year even though i’ve completely no idea whats in-stored. and when i say i have completely no idea, i mean i COMPLETELY have no idea but i am more than determined to make it great so that 2012 will be even better! *fingers crossed*

my goals for this year:

1) finish my book (shhhh… yes i’m writing myself one lol!)
2) inspire more people to dream, believe, learn, do and be better so that they may in turn inspire others in the similar capacity
3) finish plans on my epic journey to SA and hopefully launch it
4) be happy

i generally reserve my goals for my bday.. but i suppose i can always renew and add some in mid way lol!

wishful thinking:
1) that a billion and more less fortunate children out there may lead a better life thanks to the many volunteers who’ve given up their time and lives for the betterment of the people/future
2) to travel more for charity!
3) to be back in Africa
4) have always wanted a necklace which i never have to take off. hope i get the necklace of my dreams this year (its somewhere on this blog.. shameless i know hehe!)

so, have a lovely new year

uncharted uncertainties

i’ve been learning and un-learning this lesson for a very long time now..
that anything you plan for the future, may change in just a second.

being partially ‘scientific’, i am a little OCD, i like things in order, and if possible know every surprise and prepare for any ‘off road bumps’ i may encounter along the way..
however, also being more ‘creative’, i’ve got a massively jumbled up brain, constantly dreaming up new ideas, spontaneous in decision making and always taking things as it comes..
see my dilemma?!

ya, so i thought i’d be heading to Lao to teach IT English at a college, but it turns out i was placed at a farm under Lao International Foundation for Poverty Alleviation (LIFPA), to teach and learn agricultural skills, which meant watering and planting a whole load of plants i’ve never seen or knew existed, feeding and washing pigs, feeding a whole load of feathery birds, growing ducklings and chicks, shovel soil, dig holes, mix cement, plant pillars, board, repair etc etc
and then i found out i was to teach english to kids, which i did not mind as i love kids and the initial aim of coming to Lao was to work with kids.. but i then transferred to teaching the new farm boys english from scratch, which meant i had to buck up on my Lao and learn to write in Lao or i’ll drown in lack of communicating abilities (we would either act or draw things out followed by heaps of laughter)

in the first month, i was asked by one of the graduates to head to Luang Prabang to teach english to the people in his village.
i agreed to do so as i wanted to experience anything and everything i could and also to meet and learn new cultures.
after visiting Luang Prabang a couple of weeks back, i decided i was going to make my way there early in november to teach for a month before having to return to Vientiane for a charity fund raiser and awareness concert.
it would also give me a chance to visit the Hmong people as they celebrate their new year from mid november to mid december..

alas….
plans failed always within 48 hours of my making them..
its getting a bit tiresome by the way lol!
am now the event organizer for the charity concert which i was suppose to only be spectator of.
dont get me wrong, i aint complaining. its always good to take things as they come. i believe that this is the best way, for people doing what i am doing, to experience everything to the fullest.
nothing ever goes according to plan. something somewhere always changes.
the ‘scientific’ me gets frustrated but the ‘creative’ me goes WOOHOO!

i am actually going to miss the farm as i’ll be moving into town for the coming month to help plan for the concert.
no more riding on motorbikes carrying ridiculously heavy and big objects, holding on to dear life while the kids maneuver the motorbike over potholes and mud, getting wet washing pigs, being surprised pecked by ducks when i get pig’s food on my legs, writing Lao on the whiteboard and listening to my students pronounce certain words so hilariously, swinging on the hammock with a cool breeze in the air, having the satisfaction of hearing the boys start to converse in english, the kids’ laughter and smiles….

oh well.. life’s like a box of chocolates, you never know what you get

botswana’s malaysian problem

i flew to Botswana 6 days ago to meet the headmasters and career guidance teachers of the highschools in Gaborone..
Botswana is very much like Cambodia in terms of their weather and dust and the friendliness of the people..
it is a much much stable country as compared to South Africa i must say ..
in many ways, they are safer and less threatening with more orderly cars, patient people, stable government and lower crime rates.
it is one of the fastest growing countries in the African continent..
their currency is also, for now, the strongest in this part of the region (not including the USD used in Zimbabwe and a few other countries)
my trip there was pretty interesting as i was greeted by uber friendly people with lots of “How are you”s and a trip to the poorest part of their town..

however, this trip made me realize just how much one person represents their country and how much the things that a country does reflects on their citizens.

in a fairly recent detainment of four Swana students in Malaysia for suspected drug possession, it turned almost the entire country against Malaysia.
now we all know that the news you get in your own country is usually either very much blown up over the top or silenced/diminished as though it isnt a big deal.
but regardless of what the news portrayed it to be, the Swanas DO NOT LIKE MALAYSIA!
all of my initial greetings were pleasant until the man (guide) i was with told them that i am from Malaysia, and then i get a frown and an occasional “Malaysia is a horrible country” then i would have to apologize for my country’s faults and convince them that i aint like my countrymen (government more like it) and then they will open up and start talking to me

problem number one
the people are not happy with how their students are being treated over in Malaysia.
apparently to them, Malaysians are a drug driven nation with horrible racist notions.
racist, yes.
drug driven? not as much to the extend of open cocaine pushing and all that crap.
so as i talked to these headmasters, i gathered information that the Swana students get a scholarship and some money from their government and our local institutes to study in the Malaysian private universities.
now how do they get involved in drugs? i can only think of the probability of them mixing with the wrong crowd.
some of the Swanans says that its because of the Nigerians,
(anywhere you go in Africa, no one likes the Nigerians.. they are apparently cunning, conniving, sly, evil and moral-less)
some say its the Malaysians,
some say its because their government is giving these kids too much money to waste.
and i noticed that no one seemed to blame their own kids!
until we went to the last school of the day and met with the headmaster.. and he was the first one to say the smartest thing i’ve heard the whole day..
he said, “It is not the fault of Malaysia, it is the fault of the government for giving them too much money, and it is largely the fault of the students for being ignorant enough to dabble themselves in drugs when they should have known better.”
righto~
however, to everyone else, all i could tell them was, “Look, anywhere you go in the world, regardless of whether you are from Kenya or Botswana or Zimbabwe, people will automatically assume you are like the Nigerians. Lets face it, Nigerians do not have the best reputation in the world, they have murdered students, pushed drugs and bullied people the world around. To you, all chinese looking people are from China, but I’m chinese and I’m from Malaysia. So to the rest of the world, all Africans look alike and are pre-assumed to be alike and from Nigeria. But you are African, and you are from Botswana. This does not only happen in Malaysia, it happens even in UK, US, wherever you can think of. Yes there are racist notions, yes i know it is unfair, but we cant do anything about it.”

problem number two
headmaster from another high school says, “I have nothing against Malaysians, but i do have a problem with their universities. They lie to us, and deceive us into studying there, but they do not keep to their promises. I sent my daughter over there three years ago. She was studying at Sunway University. They promised my daughter and I that they had the course that she wanted to study. So she went. After two years of foundation courses, they finally were forced to tell her that they actually do not have the course that she wants and even tried to push her into another course that they think was ‘better for her talents’. So i had to bring her back, and send her to the States with my own money. She ended up wasting two years, and I ended up wasting a lot of money. I am highly disappointed with the level of integrity  in that country.”
i was just feeling so disappointed and ashamed of my countrymen at that point because i know how some universities over sell and over promise and a lot of students get conned into studying there and not being able to study what they truly want to study.
(heard all these stories back when i was in University College Sedaya International)
naturally, i did not have a good comeback for I myself have been through this bout of shit.
(my guide even purposely drove me past Lim Kok Wing’s branch and said, “It all started from THEM!”)
o.O”

they even named the universities.
they are:
Sunway University
Monash University College
University College Sedaya International (they might have changed their name by now)
Lim Kok Wing

four prime suspects.
why am i not surprised.
this isnt the first time these institutes were named as highly marketed and lied about.
not surprisingly, these are the universities with the highest number of African students (they have agreements.. money making agreements)
a couple even had a cap on the number of African students they can bring in in a year..
lets just say, what you dont hear in the news, does not mean that there aint shit happening right under your noses.
this problem isnt only confined to the African students.
if you take some time to talk to SOME of the students from China, Pakistan, Bangladash, UAE they too can tell you that they were lied to to come study in some of these institutes.
at that time 4 – 5 years ago when i first heard these stories, it sicken me to my core.
now that its come up again, i felt even worse.
i did not know whether i should dig a hole, climb in and bury myself to do them a favour, or run and hide..
i was, in any case, a minority in that country.. (freaky)
so what could i do?
apologize for their lack of integrity and tell them that i sympathize with them.
(also, i was superbly irritated with the lack of honestly and integrity. wanting to make money is one thing, but lying about something that you dont have, is another. there is NO SUCH THING as, “oh its too late you’re already here so might as well take another course. we offer business, mass comm……..”)

a country should never be selfish.
a government should never be selfish.
because what a country does (or what people who represent a large industry does), reflects on every one else.
it is unfair that the innocent has to suffer all the bullets when they are in another country.
it is not only saddening and embarrassing when you country(men) is being compared to Saudi and the prehistoric for the racial, religious and human integrity issues.

i’ve even had a comment (from a South African who worked in Saudi) asking me how’s it like living in a country that’s like Saudi when women had to be caned, they cant use the same cashier as the men and there needs to be four witnesses for a rape case to be a case.
-.-”
thanks PAS, thanks…………

so in a month of being in Africa, i not only became ‘Malaysia’, i also went from being a chinese from China who should know kungfu to a Malay to a moral-less Muslim to just about every other fault read in the papers.
(suspiciously similar to how all Africans are Nigerians)
i guess people are not so different the world round, innit?!

i guess i can now safely say,
THANK GOD I’M NOT MISS MALAYSIA OR THE PRIME MINISTER!

compassion; a forgotten attribute

cars honking
kids rushing to school
motorcyclist zipping in and out of traffic
throngs of people crossing the road
traffic lights ignored
more cars honking
frustrated people with looks of death sitting in stagnant cars

…….

thats typical, if you have lived or am living in a city or town of any sort,
anywhere in the world.

i’ve lived there
i now live in a bigger yet quieter city, though.

of course, cities all around the world move at different paces
their own pace.

japan would be crazily jam packed with humans crossing the streets like a sea of asian sardins
jakarta is permanently stagnant with never-ending traffic pollution
new york city is an individualist’s haven for ignorant people rushing for their next appointment

and then an earth shattering natural devastation occurs
and it stops some parts of the world

of course it would be horrid of me to say that a natural disaster may be one of the cures to human selfishness
but wouldn’t you agree that if the 9/11 did not happen, or if the Katrina was just some tiny gush of wind, large numbers of people from all around the world would still go on with their daily lives ignoring the fact that there actually are terrible things happening everywhere in the world?

with the recent Haiti earth quake, thousands parished
but many united in compassion.
people from all around the world came together in unity to help and support the Haitians get back on their feet again
but how long can it last?
a few months? a year?
by the end of 3 months or so, many would leave and resume their daily lives wherever they came from
and compassion would soon be forgotten

today as we were driving on the highway and through the edge of Johannesburg city, passing Hillbrow in particular, i was struck by how insensitive, ignorant and in-educated human beings can be
beggers of all sorts lined the streets and highways
hell, there were babies sitting on the tar road with their mothers as they beg!
BABIES! for crying out loud!
and of course the rich people who owned cars would just drive by
some not even ‘seeing’ these babies
and then i get on the news and i see reports of a mother murdering her child and then carrying her innocent baby in a bag as she wondered the streets searching for a place to ‘dump’ the body
and traffic accidents resulting in large number of children dying

what is wrong with these people?
do they not treasure lives anymore?
are children just a joke?
or is it as how russell peters said, “we can always make another one.”

it just makes one wonder, what has the world become
does this mean that only another huge event would bring change?
or shouldn’t compassion begin with the family?

i guess compassion is lost in poor townships as well
not entirely, but still lost
wallowed up in self pity and hunger
(okay i’m just being mean)
well at least it is still far better than people in big cities

before anyone can say, “Oh yea, but you are in Africa.. It aint civilized anyways..”
boy are you ever wrong.

Malaysians are probably worse
i could be carrying 6 huge luggage bags with papers in my mouth and things spilling over and NO ONE would care to come over and help me
NO ONE!
when an accident occurs, what happens?
traffic jam..
and why?
because Malaysians do what they do best.
help……….. with their eyes!
some even stop, get out of their vehicles, just to get a better look and then stand a few feet away….. TO LOOK!
(save for the 0.00000001% of the population who still has a heart to stop and get out of their vehicles to actually help)
have Malaysians forgotten what it means to have a heart?
or is it such that we’re lacking cinemas and good movies because an accident seems like a blockbuster movie these days
how embarrassing~

cities changes people
it makes you selfish
it consumes you
materialism eats at you and eventually swallows you whole
the highly ambitious eventually forgets there is a community outside their tiny core

selfishness brought on by materialism only to later be shot down by greed and ignorance

and so the rich stay rich
and the poor stay poor
the educated stay heartless
and the underprivileged stay underprivileged

compassion?
an extinct species

faith

is not only powerful
but is also frustrating
painful
sacrificial
uncertain
and above all,
worthwhile

integrity or ‘face’..?

now, say you are the face of a brand..
and then all of a sudden, your partner plead that you stop being the face of the brand because it is a matter of conflicting interest with his/her company.
what would you do?

would you,

A) say OKAY honey, i’ll stop
B) i’m sorry i cannot do that because my career’s on the line?

if you chose option (B), damn i salute you..
now, say you’ve had no choice but to be forced to choose option (A),
and all of a sudden you are caught in a dilemma because this company has been all but good to you.
would you

A) try to save your ‘face’/name by creating a false ‘fall-out’ between you and the company and call them rude and incompetent
B) tell others that there is a conflict of interest at this point and remain silent about the issue until the hype dies down?

i’ve been unfortunate to have come across option (A), the person, i mean, and have been enlightened that there are many such persons in the world.
now i find this very interesting.
how hard can it be to make such a decision?
isnt it a clear cut?
well of course the answer to question one would depend on your priorities and how understanding your partner is,
but as for question two, i’d think that the clear answer would be (B) or something similar to that.

see, if a person chooses option (B), they would not only save their ‘face’ in the long run, but also keep their integrity in tact.
if you do, however, claim that you were in a rush to make a decision, i’ll just say its bullshit.
as ‘kan chiong’ as i am, i can still take at least a couple of seconds or minutes to be rational.
a little lost of face for a short while wont hurt much,
not as badly as compared to the day when people find out what you did.

would you rather people question your integrity or ‘face’?

i guess we’re back to priorities..

oh well…

quote “my mother doesnt like me..”

was talking to Bala again today…
i asked him does he go back home often (home being his parent’s place)
he said, “My mother doesnt like me. She never liked me. I dont know why *shrugs* *sad look*”
i asked, “So what about your dad?”
he said, “Me and him always fight. He always scold me.”
“Well, but your sisters love you right?”
he says “Yea.. They dont scold me so much. They are okay. My first sister is nice to me”
then he added after a pause, “No one in my family kissed me before…..”
*tears in my eyes..*

i wonder how it feels like to go through life knowing that your own mother does not like you yet not knowing the reason why..
its a little sad dont u think?
sigh~

BY THE WAY,
he’s collecting old newspapers to sell just to make more money to support himself.
if anyone has old newspapers and have no time to sell them or give them away or burn them,
please CONTACT ME!!!
you can email me at singyuin@gmail.com
for those who have my number, please drop me a text or call.
for anyone who wants to drop the newspapers off, i’m at Bangsar till, well, Late….
so please, its just a tiny gesture and a few bucks,
please let us help Bala earn more money so he doesnt have to sell his phone again.
i’ll be bringing him my stack of papers too

oh and if you happen to see him in Bangsar, just say hi or smile…
his name is Bala Murali..
you can call him by either..
he’s friendly and he doesnt bite..

when God seems a tad unfair..

i spent the best part of my night (yesterday) with Bala.
i’m sure many of u would recognise him if u’re in bangsar a lot.
he’s the guy who walks around selling woodcraft.
he’s tall, his body is twisted in odd angles, he’s got a problem with his speech.
little do people know that he is also friendly, kind, big hearted, happy and lonely.

i’ve always seen him around as i’m always around bangsar as well.
and since i had some spare time on my hands, i decided to keep him company as he goes around bangsar to ‘work’.
i wanted to help him sell some woodcraft but he told me to walk on the pavement when he went in to shops to talk to people.
it would look too much like i was his ‘boss’.
and sure enough, a lot of ppl noticed that i was tailing him and i got some pretty odd stares.

in mere 45 minutes, i got a secondhand experience of how cruel mankind can be.
one man tried to run Bala down, many people glared at him, some shoo-ed him away, one family refused to look at him.
and i wonder, if u can afford to have dinner or drinks in places like Social, Hush, Madam Kwans, Chawan, Starbucks, Coffee Bean, Dragon (i think thats the name.. some snobbish looking chinese restaurant beside the Talk), why cant u just spare ten bucks for ONE person?
right right i know there are HEAPS of other people coming around asking for a donation..
characters ranging from kids to blind men to old monk looking chinese men
but i am telling u this right now, its Bala that needs the money.
he’s not like how the Slumdog Millionaire kids were like.
no. his story is different.

his parents did not want to take care of him so they made him move out to earn a living.
and of course no one wanted to hire him in due to his physical condition.
so he’s renting a place in brickfields and selling his woodcraft to support himself.
and because the past few days saw rainy nights, he’s not earning enough.
and because of that he’s got to sell his phone.
it broke my heart when he was telling me how much he treasures his phone (its just some normal phone no one in the materialistic world would care less for)
and here he is, in the middle of it all, feeling sad that he had to sell his phone whilst telling himself that its for the best, its for the better and that he can always live without it.
omg i’m tearing i’m tearing…

i offered to buy him drinks, to bring him for some desert and even to buy some woodcraft off him to compensate for the loss..
he said, “NO!”
he was even thoughtful enough to try to make me sit at Starbucks to rest because it is ‘my kind of place’ (the uppity class place)
was talking to stinky after that at the mamak and i started crying.. sigh~ embarrassing a……. i so the emo
o.O

people stared at us.
they pointed at us.
they openly made fun of us and him.
i just glared at them.
its ok.. there’s karma, there’s karma.

what on earth did he do to deserve all this?
he did not ask for it
he certainly does not deserve it
so why?
u tell me God is always fair.
how fair can he be when things like this happen?
what about those severely handicaped people?
what did THEY do to deserve a life of ‘imprisonment’?
at least one thing’s for sure, these people have a heart of gold.
they are kind, they are thoughtful, they have a pure heart.
unlike the rest of the world who’s always so caught up with themselves.
(yea i know i’m guilty of it as well)
they’ve got to go thru life learning things the hard way when half the snobbish people in the world knows nothing about what life is.

speaking of which..
i’m having the priviledge of my life working with a few quite ‘mature’ people.
they not only backstab, they bitch, they bite, they stomp, they grab….
-.-”
quite a bunch.
and Bala seems ten times more mature than these people who are so called ‘experienced’ and mature.
my ASS!

i cannot believe how downright wormish these people can be!
one will be bitching upstairs, another downstairs.
they literally FIGHT to be in charge.
they try their very best to remind people of how good they are (more like by force)
they are rude as hell.
they are as fake as stick-on nails.
they try to lobby people against others.
they say mean things about others just because they want to later take on that person’s position in the company..
wtf~
they should get a life, grow some brains, and grow up!
i can assure u that even 5 year olds have more sense and brains than the jokers i’m working with…
*grumble grumble*
no wonder ppl say office politics are shit..
these ppl are worthy to run for PM!
ha ha ha…

haih~
there aint such thing as fair.

edit: dont u think that if given the chance, people like Bala would strive and achieve and appreciate the opportunity these ungrateful wormish ppl are taking for granted?

do u………….

there are two types of people (as always)
now lets see which u fit into…
(it does not have to be a perfect fit into either types.. things vary with person anyways)

Type ONE
you luuuuuurve your loved ones to bits bits BITS..
always shower them with love, gifts and kind words
always think of them in every single thing that u do
can never live without them..
adore them like they’re gods
dont really get angry with them because u love them way past their faults and little annoying habits
are so so patient with them because u love them
always try to include them into your schedule
never rude to them or use foul language around them
always understanding, always there to listen, always there to lend a shoulder even if it means sacrifising something else thats dear to u (e.g. sleep, football, tv show, time with other loved ones etc…)
never afraid to be yourself with them cos u know that they love u the same
sometimes get jealous and over protective when it comes to them (nobody’s perfect u see)

Type TWO
u absolutely love your loved ones
u KNOW u love them and u think that they know it too
BUT u treat your loved ones like shit only cos u think/hope that they’ll understand
u are rude and impatient with them cos deep down inside u think u know that they’ll forgive u and look past all that
u sometimes regret the things that u say or the things that u do but u’ve got too big of an ego to say sorry or admit that u’re wrong cos u’re never wrong
and sometimes out of the underlying guilt that’s been building up, u get them gifts to ‘make them happy’ and forget all wrongs..
u do try to include them but if they piss u off, u’ll tell them to piss off
u use foul language around them cos u know they’re fine with it (but there’s always a limit u see..)
u get pissed of when they’re not doing things the way to expected them to cos they’re the ones who should understand u and to change for u
u give them the ‘monkey see monkey do’ treatment cos u think its only fair if u show them how it feels like to have a taste of their own medicine
and your excuse to all that is that “i’m being an ass cos i love u and i want the best for you”
but in reality, this only means that u’ve got a huge-ass ego and u dont wanna do anything about it

well, i’m a little of both..
at times type one,
at times type two..
and i have to admit that i sometimes am type two to my parents and i regret it and am NO longer treating them type two..

which are u?

the ‘sensitive’

DISCLAIMER: i’m writing this some with reason, some without.. if u’re smart u’ll know the difference

i think i’ve written on this before…
its somewhere in history but what the heck…

girls, do u think that men these days are getting waaaay too sensitive for their own good?
when i say sensitive, i mean PMS sensitive, take-things-to-heart-immediately sensitive and getting-pissy-like-a-girl sensitive…
i’m not saying that all men are like that.. no
there are some pretty sensible and well balanced men out there..
but some, SOME boys can be pretty girl like!
sikit sikit only get pissed off
kena nudged only wanna fight..
no wonder stupid wars happen.. cos the men at the top are GIRLS!

if there’s something that u’re not happy with, why not talk about it rather than to just flare up and go into one of your moods?
isnt that what females are known for? (sorry i dont mean to kutuk all female kind but just an example)
and yes, us females can be bitches, we can be inconsiderate, and we can also be selfish..
u cant expect someone to be perfect!
some girls can be lesser of any of those and more of some..
read, no one is perfect to your ideal!
and even so, tell her how u’d perfer things to be, NICELY!
dont be sarcastic and mean and raise your voice then stomp off..
its not going to work!
and dont u know how much that hurts?
well i guess not seeing as u’d make it seem like we’re the ones who’s hurting u
and which part of doing any of the above is mature?!
worser still, is that u ‘carry forward’ your PMS to the second day!
wtf?!

yes i KNOW i can be inconsiderate..
i’ve not gotten used to some of the changes in my life as yet..
but please dont take it against me..

whatever happened to patience!?

the should i’s and should i not’s

u know a person is mature when they make a conscious decision to make a choice. 
and of course, better still if they are able to make a decision and stick to it and bear responsibility for their actions.

i find it really odd these days that a lot of people, at whatever age, do not want to or do not know how to stop, think then act. 
and of course, i’m not the most mature person alive.. neither am i suggesting that i am or will ever be..
but sometimes u just feel like wringing their necks and slapping them into reality.

funnier still is that these people can turn back and call others childish when they themselves are living proof of the things that they just claimed another to be!

to make a choice and be responsible for your actions is to first be patient, and then reasonable.
is it that hard to take a few seconds or minutes to think about what u are about to do or say next?

things that are said or done in the heat of the moment, whether it is regretted later on or not, cannot be taken back.
words cannot be taken back.
worse is if u dont even realise that the things u just said are hurtful..
things that are said will follow and haunt u for the rest of your life whether u want it to or not.
granted that i sometimes am very very tempted to say things just because i feel like it.
but then i stop myself because i dont think that it is beneficiary to anyone.
and on occasions, i do say things i regret later on but i take full responsibility for it. 

every thing in life is based on a choice.
every choice in life is a step u take towards being a better u.
so why make the choice to not make a choice?

ignorance is not bliss in this case.
the more u ignore choice making, the more u hurt the people who care for u. 

like it or not, making a responsible choice is a part of life 
and i know that to do the right thing is a million times harder than giving in to evil lil’ ignorance.
kick it, ignore it, abuse it all u want..
its not going to change the fact that u’ll have to face reality and yourself to make a choice however hard it may be.