made to feel inadequate

for years people have been telling me that i’m not responsible because i do not want to take up a 9-5 job just like everyone else to earn the money many wish to have more of
well, like i’ve said over and over, money aint something i want more of. its just a means to an end.

at the same time, FYI, i am NOT by any means irresponsible.
i may be irresponsible in your eyes and your terms and your world’s rules..
but not to me.
at the very least, i’m going out there braving the unknown to try my hand at different things.

and if by irresponsible you mean my wandering focus,
well, i’m not ashamed of it.
i admit that i am still finding out what truly ticks for me.
granted i have core passions such as humanitarian work and documentary photojournalism
but i have not limited myself to just that.
yes i may not be as focused as a lot of highly ambitious people out there
thou, can they truly say that they have tried their hand at whatever it is that they are capable of doing?

i can say that i’ve tried events managing and i find that i dont panic and fare well in last minute chaotic situations which i find that i kind of like doing
i’ve tried teaching english and now i understand the hardships that comes with teaching english as a foreign language to people who do not know how to speak a word of english
i’ve tried farming and realized that it aint easy growing your own crops what with the weather, bugs, animals and everything soil related to worry about
i’ve tried pig washing and boy do i LOVE it! they stink though hahaha
i’ve tried videography and damn it is hell lot of fun
i’ve tried writing, and i still do occasionally, it is what keeps me sane
i’ve tried photography, still trying photography and will continue photography
i’ve tried wedding planning and like it almost as much as events managing
i’ve tried and still will continue doing charity fund raisers, concerts and all because it merges 2 or more of my passions in one
i’ve tried car mechanics, it still intrigues me and i’ll continue learning what i can about cars and how i can rid myself of having to send my car to the workshop every time something happens
i’ve tried wiring and i know i love wiring so my next new toys will be a bunch of new tools wire cutters and all
i’ve tried modeling and failed miserable but i know thats not a field i want to go into
i’ve also tried acting.. major epic fail lol! but at least i made the director, producers and crew laugh so hard they told me i should do stand up comedy lol!
i’ve tried pageantry and HELL NO, no more!
i’ve tried PR and well, no more of that either
i’ve tried performing (percussions) and i’ve got to admit i miss it some times even though i still have massive stage fright
i’ve tried classical piano and teaching, not something i’d go into willingly again
i’ve traveled alone to South Africa, Laos, Thailand.. DEFINITELY do it again!
i am trying my hand now at sound systems and frankly its pretty fun too
hell there are so many more things i’ve tried my hand at.. and honestly, its still so little which i’ve done, not even a raindrop worth of experience this world has to offer

yet all of this is nothing.. they are just skills and knowledge
these are things that i may forget or lose interest in along the way in life
but its no lost
i’ve learnt far valuable lessons through each and everything that i’ve learnt

i’ve learnt more and more about myself
i’ve learnt how to deal with difficult people
i’ve learnt to adapt and ease into a new culture as though its my own skin
i’ve learnt to pick up a language in a week
i’ve learnt patience for the people
i’ve learnt that life is so simple yet us as humans always somehow seem to messy it up for ourselves by complicating things which are as simple as love, joy and peace
i’ve learnt that all of my problems and whatever that i’ve faced or am facing is nothing compared to the suffering that millions of people are facing in this world today due to poverty, lack of love and kindness
i’ve learnt that beauty isnt just skin deep, you’ve got to be beautiful on the inside to be considered beautiful
i’ve learnt that it only takes a second to make a difference in another person’s life
similarly, it only takes a second to make a difference in our own lives with the choices we make
i’ve learnt that love is unconditional, help should be unconditional too
i’ve learnt that the reason behind me not crying when faced with humanitarian issues as grievous as death is because from some corner of my heart i unconsciously knew that i had to be the pillar of strength to those who needed strength
i’ve learnt that it is not us blessed people who inspire those in need, rather it is them who inspire us continuously with their unyielding faith, hope and gratefulness
i’ve learnt that giving is far more productive then receiving
i’ve learnt that money is nothing compared to love because the ability to make someone feel appreciated and loved is nothing money can ever buy
i’ve learnt that character is what counts. personality is just superficial
i’ve learn to not be calculative
i’ve also learnt to never judge and to be open minded and fair towards everyone for they all have a past and have made mistakes, as do i
i’ve learnt that i’m the only person in the world who truly understands me
i’ve also learnt that even though our friends will never wholly understand our problems and us, there are a precious few who’d still stick by you and love you all the same through thick and thin, till death do us part

so many precious things which i’ve learnt throughout the years with many more which i cannot even begin to comprehend at this point in time
and yet there are people who set out to try to pull me back down to their version of ‘earth’
to them, i say, i’m sorry it didnt work
it did at one point in time
but lost as you think i am,
i’ve got a mount of experiences and life changing self discoveries which still renders me speechless even when i ponder upon them

so there.. i aint inadequate as you set out to make me feel
neither am i irresponsible
i just take chances