i honestly thought i’ve learnt this lesson last year…
remember when i said that nothing is certain even if its on black and white?
yeah well i guess i forgot about that…
the world does not give a rats ass whether or not u’ve got your life all planned out…
it does not even care whether or not u’ve just got a promotion or a new job or just lost a loved one..
it goes on and on and on like a sick roller coaster ride joke with Mr. Pennywise at the controls laughing his evil clown head off…

in just three short days, i managed to find myself stuck in a ‘political’ struggle at work, get my sorry ass replaced cos i aint famous enough, got put on hold for a permanent gig and fall deeper into depression.
mind u all these are separate events in themselves.
i’m actually afraid to ask, “could anything else go wrong?!”
*frantically touching wood* *touch touch touch*

surprisingly, after that three hell-on-earth days, i found myself getting fed-up with life and wanting to move on as quick as i could.
i found myself picking myself up faster than i use to.
only problem is, the setbacks took a toll on me too.
its between, “its time to move on.. do something different.. create a brand new life” and “u’re not good enough.. nothing works out.. u’re useless and a failure.. just give up”
hey, dont give me shit about this.. u’ll know how it feels like if u’ve ever been in depression..
its just hard to conjure passion and motivation.
hard like H.A.R.D.!
sigh~

i actually thought that with my two stable and one freelance job, i can finally get me my own dslr and start persueing my photojournalism dream..
but nope… life said, “Oops~! i think i just flushed your dream down the toilet! sowee~” *shy look*
and u’ll see me standing by the sea waving the D90/D700 and the 35mm 1.8 prime lense a heartwrenching goodbye like i was sending it to the afterworld…

i know i know… nothing is certain… nothing is permanent…
and i know i ’should have’ a lot of things…
but a person just cant help feeling like crap after having the mat pulled out from under ‘em…

there’s a time to be irrational, irrational and… well, irrational.
sometimes, being rational will have to wait..
a time of withdrawal is time to heal.