its a funny thing really, this thing called life.
just when u thought u had everything signed, sealed and about to be delivered, huge ass paper shreading machines would fall from the sky, unanounced, and shred everything to teeny meeny pieces (like our lives are jokes of nature).
just when u think u’re able to reach for your dreams, your fingers gets cut off (ok fine i know i sound like a morbid lil ass).
its true i tell u!

but its definitely not going to stop me from doing what i want to do
and its not going to turn me into some goth chick..
although i’ve always been tempted to try goth… hmmm…
am currently at a cross road in life
should i or should i not give up my music for now
to give up my passion
ok, maybe not give it up entirely, but rather, push it aside for a while,
and concentrate on solving the problem(s)
but before that, i’ll have to find the courage to face myself and a part of reality which i’ve been trying to deny for a very long time now..
ahhhh… decisions decisions…

and yet through it all, life is a beautiful thing
be it man made,

or of nature

better still if i’m able to capture the beauty with my digicam! (hint hint~ me want dslr kekeke..)
but yea la… life aint fair or unfair..
life just is
its what we make of it that matters

besides, life is always full of surprises!
a whole load of badshit can happen to u
but if u’d just calm yourself down at the end of the day, u’d come to realise that no matter how bad your day/life is, there’s definitely something good that happened that u might have overlooked or chose to ignore.
like maybe a kind stranger offering u his parking spot, or an uplifting smile from a passerby, someone holding the door open for u, or coincidentally sitting down just in time to catch your fav series/sitcom..
anything and everything good thats under the sky can happen, but only if u allow yourself to see and feel them, even at the darkest point in your life

i’ve recently received news that a friend, whom i trusted and thought of as a close friend, backstabs me.
even when she was nice to me and all.
apparently it is out of jealousy.
and i wonder why.
she’s gorgeous, smart, and living a very good life here even before she left for her own country.
i cant say i’m surprised, but i cannot say i’m not hurt
and i am, again, reminded as to why i chose not to have that many close girl friends.
but i guess its something i’ve got to accept,
no matter how much i dont want to believe that she is that way.
oh well…
at least i’ve already got a handfull of girl friends i can trust
and even better still, i’ve got some really caring, really down to earth twins who are absolute darlings

cant wait to see them again!

oh and i’ve also been hanging out with manboobies and gang..
they’re absolutely entertaining
plus i think i can trust manboobies hahahahahaha
he’s so gonna kill me

ahhh i miss performing!
i miss bumbleass!
this picture was taken after our performance for Eriksson at the Singapore Flyer

and this is my perk of the day… or should i say, week!

someone i met briefly did this wallpaper of me
i absolutely LOVE it!
love the colours, love how he put two pictures into it…
i think he’s got talent!
cant believe he drew that..
so touching kan

last friday the entire ‘gang’ reunited at kennee’s place to celebrate his bday with him
may wasnt around thou because she is still in cambodia (miss her) and nicholl wasnt around because he had work
everyone else from the college/uni gang was there
lallu, linda, kishan, kennee, jim (JIM! haha), kuan yew, azeem, mayur, yvonne, samantha

the night started off like how every other gatherings would
ppl were here and there waiting for the food
and u wouldnt believe the amount of pizza we had!!
ordered twice and each time baring 4 pizzas hahaha
and of course, the manly men were sitting in front of the tv playing their boy’s toys
and most of us girls went to sit in the kitchen
when the food arrived, linda, kishan, mayur and i quickly secured our fort at the kitchen table
we sat there eating and drinking and drinking and eating…
and we never left the table…
hahahahaha
well, considering the fact that the food literally arrives at our doorstep and that the bottle of liqour is sitting between all of us.. who’d wanna get up?

after a while, all of us sort of lost track of time
the conversation was good, everyone was discussing ‘the future’ and it was really relaxed
different people came to join us in the kitchen sporadically
and then i realised (i know i use this phrase a lot.. thats what happens when u’ve lost sight of the simplicities of life and is trying to change) that this group of people is the one group that i can be whoever i am and will be whoever i wanna be and they’d still (probably) accept me as i am!
like come on, how often can u let your hair down, say whatever u wanna say, sit however u wanna sit (and knowing me i sit like a guy with no regards to anyone), laugh however loud u want, dress however u wanna dress and they’d still not judge u?
all of us were speaking our minds, all of us were making jokes at each other’s expence, all of us were punching each other in good mirth..
and of course in groups like these, u’d hear curses going in all directions
especially when we can see the boys loosing to the girls at ps2 games from the kitchen
and does anyone cares?
no.
there were no walls, no fear of judgement.
none of us had to care about our image cos we’ve basically seen each other through thick and thin (or more like the torturous sedayan life)
that sort of comfort and satisfaction was priceless

have i ever mentioned how ‘diversed’ this group of friends are?
lets see..

lallu – westernised indian
linda – kenyan (but mentally half white)
kishan – indian kenyan
mayur – indian kenyan
kuan yew – chinese (looks taiwanese)
kennee – baba chinese (looks indon)
jim – chinese philipino
samantha – chinese
azeem – pakistani indian
yvonne – chinese
me – punjabi-nised chinese
nicholl – chindian
may – liberal chinese

well, fine…
there were more chinese in the bunch
but gawd do we ever think differently!
all of us lead different lives, have different ambitions and interests
but yet being able to sit there talking and sharing and joking..
it was just wonderful
though i’m going to miss linda and kishan when they go back to kenya
dont know when they’ll be back or whether or not they’ll actually be back!
oh well..
so for the next couple of months, i’d like to cherish and spend as much time with them as possible

p.s. maywan and maureen, congrats congrats on the engagement and soon-to-be wedding!
all these marital bliss everywhere!
(do check out maureen and vincent’s blog.. the story of how he proposed might make u shed a tear or two.. very romantic)

i think it started with the movie Once
linda and i went to catch it one afternoon and at first i was sceptical (as i always am)
all along i was wondering why they named the movie Once
and let me tell u what a surprise i got!
the movie was not one of the cheesy love stories of some low budget film..
it had a great story line and amazing songs to boot
(go search for the song called The Hills and Falling Slowly)
plus it reinforced the fact that love comes in all forms
the two of them created such an attractive bond through music!
and i like the ending.
they did not end up together like all other romantic movie characters do
he bought her a piano, he went back to his ex, she went back to her husband
but their love as friends and their shared love for music was more then enough.
and guess what their movie tag line is?
“How Often Do You Meet The Right Person? … Once”

few days later, i got around to catching up with zebby
we were sharing ‘penang’ stories and realized that we have a lot in common
(much to the disdain of mark.. hahaha.. cos we practically ignored him the rest of the night)
but as i talked to her, i realized that i miss someone. a lot.
and she’s going through a phase that i know all too well
the ‘i’ve-given-up-on-men-and-am-sceptical-of-the-one-in-front-of-me’ phase
safe to say, our conversation stirred up some emotions in us that we did not want to face prior to this
conclusion? i miss someone.

i’m back in sitiawan btw
no astro but luckily there’s internet
so yesterday night since i was bored, i decided to watch P.S. I Love You
i’m not generally the mushy mushy kinda girl
and i dont even read chic lits on a regular basis, neither do i fancy them
but P.S. I Love You is one of my fav books of all time.
its written by Cecilia Ahern  (and i think she’s brilliant!)
embarrassed as i am to admit it, i’ve read that book several times and it always makes me… erm… cry (shy! *runs and hides in a hole*…)
so obviously i know the story pretty well
and knowing how adaptations are never accurate, i had my reservations about this film
again, surprisingly, it turned out pretty good!
and i like their soundtracks as well!
(search for Kisses and Cake by John Powell, Galway Girl sung by Gerard Butler, If I Ever Leave This World Alive by Flogging Molly, No Other Love by Chuck Prophet)
its not exactly like the book, of course
they changed so many things
and i still do not agree with the choice of actors for the film, (cos i already had some other image in my mind.. pardon my imagination)
but it is still good! (i think its cos of the letters)
seriously, with words like these in there.. (ok.. i’m a sucker for words)
this is the last letter, because there is only one thing left to tell you. It isn’t to go down memory lane or make you buy a lamp, you can take care of yourself without any help from me. It’s to tell you how much you move me, how you changed me. You made me a man, by loving me Holly. And for that, I am eternally grateful… If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you’re sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, that you’ll try to see yourself through my eyes. Thank you for the honor of being my wife. I’m a man with no regrets. How lucky am I. You made my life, Holly. But I’m just one chapter in yours. There’ll be more. I promise. So here it comes, the big one. Don’t be afraid to fall in love again. Watch out for that signal, when life as you know it ends.
P.S. I will always love you
personally i think the tag line should have been
“…. when life as you know it, ends”

oooooh! a thought just hit me
since life is so short, have i really taken the time to tell the people whom i love that i actually DO love them?

have you?